You know. We all have those days when we feel quite lost and astray. Especially when we are alone. No one to remind us. No one to help us. Until we feel like we're about to lose hope.. Don't. We have Allah.
There's one thing I asked from Allah. Which is to be the girl I was before. Last year. When I had that strength to change. When i was excited to learn about Islam. When I wanted to get close to Allah. But lately i felt like im losing it all. But there's no losing hope in Allah. Pray.
Alhamdulillah I was excited when i was invited to go see Ustadh Nouman Ali Khan's talk in putrajaya. My favourite speaker. I'd watch all his videos and cry like a loser watching it last year. How can i say no? And. Amazing. I met my ex akak usrah there. The murobbi for the usrah i joined last year. Yeah that usrah when I decided that its time to change. The murobbi who was there to help.
SubhanAllah. Today reminded me of how I was last year. Ustadh Nouman.. Kak Hazirah.. The spirit I had to get close to Allah. The strength I had to go through such changes. He showed me. Right there. Ya Allah.. With the power of Du'a. Anything is possible with Allah.
Surah Al Fatihah starts with Alhamdulillahi rabbil'alamin.
Indeed. Praise and thanks only for Allah.
Saturday, June 20, 2020
Pengalaman Di Mekah
Alhamdulillah.. Allah swt menjeput saya Dan family utk mengerjakan umrah tahun ni. Di sini saya nak kongsi sedikit persediaan dan pengalaman saya selama saya berada Di Tanah Suci Kota Makkah.
AGENT
Family telah memilih agent Tiram Travel. Saya pun okay je sblum ni tak pernah pun usha2 agent apa yang ada. Sblum saya pergi, ada kawan yang pergi bawah agent yang sama, jadi saya banyak bertanya dengan dia. Walaupun, Ada dengar keburukan tiram travel ni, tapi kami terima sebagai ujian. Seminggu sebelum nak berangkat baru dapat tentative, n baru dapat tau Akan ke madinah/Mekkah dulu. jika saya pergi lagi, insyaAllah, mungkin tiram travel masih jadi pilihan saya.
Family telah memilih agent Tiram Travel. Saya pun okay je sblum ni tak pernah pun usha2 agent apa yang ada. Sblum saya pergi, ada kawan yang pergi bawah agent yang sama, jadi saya banyak bertanya dengan dia. Walaupun, Ada dengar keburukan tiram travel ni, tapi kami terima sebagai ujian. Seminggu sebelum nak berangkat baru dapat tentative, n baru dapat tau Akan ke madinah/Mekkah dulu. jika saya pergi lagi, insyaAllah, mungkin tiram travel masih jadi pilihan saya.
PERSEDIAAN
Saya sarankan pergi sekurangnya dua kali la kursus umrah kalau memang 0 ilmu. Haha. 1st time untuk dapatkan idea sbb mmg akan blurrrr je. Kali kedua untuk dapatkan kepastian apa yang diragui dan sebagainya. InsyaAllah.
Saya sarankan pergi sekurangnya dua kali la kursus umrah kalau memang 0 ilmu. Haha. 1st time untuk dapatkan idea sbb mmg akan blurrrr je. Kali kedua untuk dapatkan kepastian apa yang diragui dan sebagainya. InsyaAllah.
Saya banyak baca blog pengalaman orang. Tapi mmg setiap org pengalamannya berbeza. Dan pengalaman saya pun berbeza dengan yang apa saya baca. Hehe
Mantapkan la ilmu Umrah sebab kadang2 Kita tak boleh bergantung 100% kat muttawif je, kalau apa2 Yang terjadi, Kita tak boleh jangka, sekurangnya kita dah tau apa Yang kena buat. Tiram Ada sediakan Buku panduan Umrah Yang memang membantu sangat! Saya dah siap2 marking muka surat yang penting2, doa2, niat2. So bleh trus buka m/s tu dengan cepat.
Saya banyak juga baca sejarah Umrah/Haji (contoh kisah Nabi Ibrahim AS, Nabi Ismail AS, dan siti Hajar RA) sirah Nabi Muhammad saw, para sahabat, dan peperangan zaman Nabi Muhammad saw sebab nak betul2 faham dan menjiwai perjuangan umat Islam. Kerana merekalah kami di sini.
Pakaian saya bawa
✓ 4 jubah (3 hitam 1 warna hijau), tak termasuk 1 yang saya pakai ke airport warna purple. ✓Tudung labuh hitam 2,
telekung putih bahagian atas je 2, shawl hitam 1.
✓Handsocks dalam 2-3 pasang
✓ Stokin tebal 2 , stoking nipis 2. Kasut jalan 1, kasut "wudu' friendly" 1 contoh macam 'fake crocks' atau slipper.
✓Baju tidur 3 pasang pun cukup.
✓inner yang Ada zip 2-3
✓ saya sentiasa pakai seluar kalau pakai jubah. Mcm inner pants la warna hitam.
✓ 4 jubah (3 hitam 1 warna hijau), tak termasuk 1 yang saya pakai ke airport warna purple. ✓Tudung labuh hitam 2,
telekung putih bahagian atas je 2, shawl hitam 1.
✓Handsocks dalam 2-3 pasang
✓ Stokin tebal 2 , stoking nipis 2. Kasut jalan 1, kasut "wudu' friendly" 1 contoh macam 'fake crocks' atau slipper.
✓Baju tidur 3 pasang pun cukup.
✓inner yang Ada zip 2-3
✓ saya sentiasa pakai seluar kalau pakai jubah. Mcm inner pants la warna hitam.
Lain2 yang saya pack
✓kasut tawaf, tasbih tawaf
✓ubat (batuk, selsema, panadol, cirit birit, cough drop)
✓buku doa solat sunat
✓buku doa saya sendiri
✓al Quran kecil
✓ chocolate/Apollo saya pack nak niat sedekah di sana
✓sabun basuh baju
✓sejadah kecil
✓kasut tawaf, tasbih tawaf
✓ubat (batuk, selsema, panadol, cirit birit, cough drop)
✓buku doa solat sunat
✓buku doa saya sendiri
✓al Quran kecil
✓ chocolate/Apollo saya pack nak niat sedekah di sana
✓sabun basuh baju
✓sejadah kecil
PENGALAMAN
Kami di assign dalam group untuk ke Thaif dulu. So naik Air Asia dari KLIA 2 ke Jeddah Airport (9 jam perjalanan). Lepastu kami Naik bus ke Thaif (2-3 jam) sepatutnya la. Tapi jadi lagi lama sbb tak jumpa hotel 😂 kami sampai Di hotel Kami Di Thaif kul 6am untuk solat subuh dan rehat2, breakfast, kul 10.30 am trus masukkan bag dalam bus untuk ziarah Thaif dan trus berangkat ke Mekkah petang Tu. Tak tidur pun Di Thaif 😂 tapi ye memang sejuk di Thaif ni. Sampai2 pagi2 subuh masyaAllah sejuk nyaaa beranginnn, nampak penduduk2 Thaif memang pakai jacket tebal2 😂
siang2 walaupun cerah, tapi angin sejukk

Kami di assign dalam group untuk ke Thaif dulu. So naik Air Asia dari KLIA 2 ke Jeddah Airport (9 jam perjalanan). Lepastu kami Naik bus ke Thaif (2-3 jam) sepatutnya la. Tapi jadi lagi lama sbb tak jumpa hotel 😂 kami sampai Di hotel Kami Di Thaif kul 6am untuk solat subuh dan rehat2, breakfast, kul 10.30 am trus masukkan bag dalam bus untuk ziarah Thaif dan trus berangkat ke Mekkah petang Tu. Tak tidur pun Di Thaif 😂 tapi ye memang sejuk di Thaif ni. Sampai2 pagi2 subuh masyaAllah sejuk nyaaa beranginnn, nampak penduduk2 Thaif memang pakai jacket tebal2 😂
siang2 walaupun cerah, tapi angin sejukk

Di Thaif kami ziarah
✓ Museum Arab
✓Masjid
✓Kilang perfume ros
✓pasar buah
✓ Museum Arab
✓Masjid
✓Kilang perfume ros
✓pasar buah
Lepastu kami gerak naik bas dari Thaif untuk berniat umrah Di miqat Di Qarnul Manazil sblum masuk Mekah untuk melaksanakan umrah pertama.
Pengalaman di Mekah/Masjidil Haram

Kami duduk di Hotel Safwa Orchid, dalam Safwa tower(sebelah clock tower). Hanya turun 3 Kali escalator trus jalan 10m skit dah trus sampai dataran Masjidil Haram. Kami masuki Masjid melalui Gate King Abdul Aziz. Jarak dari hotel ke Masjid dalam 50m je. Memang sangat dekat! Ya Allah.

Hotel 20m je belakang saya tangkap gambar ni.

Kami duduk di Hotel Safwa Orchid, dalam Safwa tower(sebelah clock tower). Hanya turun 3 Kali escalator trus jalan 10m skit dah trus sampai dataran Masjidil Haram. Kami masuki Masjid melalui Gate King Abdul Aziz. Jarak dari hotel ke Masjid dalam 50m je. Memang sangat dekat! Ya Allah.

Hotel 20m je belakang saya tangkap gambar ni.
Macam2 tempat saya pegi untuk solat kalau di dalam Masjidil Haram. Sebolehnya memang akan cuba solat di dalam masjid untuk setiap solat fardhu. Tapi kadang2 bila tenaga tak mengizin kan, Kami solat di musolla dalam Safwa tower.
Ruang solat untuk wanita di dalam Masjid memang kena datang 30 minit- 1 jam sblum Azan baru dapat tempat yang selesa, berkarpet, ada view kaabah. Tempat favourite saya, masuk melalui gate King Abdul Aziz, belok kiri, agak jauh skit la nak berjalan, sampai jumpa tempat solat utk wanita tingkat tu jugak. So sempat buat solat2 sunat n baca Al Quran sblum Azan. Berkarpet n ada view kaabah (jauh skit la.)
Pernah jugak, turun bawah utk ke Mataf iaitu dataran kat kaabah Tu, tapi susah dpt tempat solat, polis tutup laluan nak masuk ruang solat, so polis akan suruh jalan2 "buat2 jalan" sampai lah Azan, baru la menyelit mana2 tempat yang boleh solat. Tapi tak dapat la solat2 sunat.. unless memang kat situ sejam sblum Azan okay la, kat area air zam zam n nak ke Bukit safa ke..
Kalau ke Masjid 15 minute sblum Azan, gate king Abdul Aziz Tu Akan tutup. Tapi Ada gate/pintu lain yang masih buka la, tapi tak dapat turun ke mataf.
Pernah jugak 30 minit sblum azan zuhur, masih tengah tawaf. So selesai je tawaf, Azan zuhur. Saya trus solat di Mataf . dekat sangat dengan kaabah. Di tengah2 panas. MasyaAllah. Tapi dalam hati saya, berbisik, azab neraka lagi panas. Moga Allah lindungi Kami dari azab neraka..

Usai solat Fardhu Zuhur di Mataf.

Usai solat Fardhu Zuhur di Mataf.
lelaki boleh solat kat depan2 kaabah, tapi untuk perempuan sampai sini sahaja la.
TAWAF
Setelah selesai umrah pertama. Alhamdulillah..

Ibnu Abbas r.a mengatakan bahawa Rasulullah s.a.w bersabda ” Sesungguhnya setiap hari Allah menurunkan 120 rahmat kepada Baitullah ini. 60 rahmat untuk orang yang bertawaf, 40 rahmat untuk orang yang mengerjakan solat dan 20 rahmat untuk orang yang memandang Baitullah”.

Ibnu Abbas r.a mengatakan bahawa Rasulullah s.a.w bersabda ” Sesungguhnya setiap hari Allah menurunkan 120 rahmat kepada Baitullah ini. 60 rahmat untuk orang yang bertawaf, 40 rahmat untuk orang yang mengerjakan solat dan 20 rahmat untuk orang yang memandang Baitullah”.
Saya pernah tawaf kat dalam2 skit (dalam bulatan selari dgn maqam Nabi Ibrahim AS) tapi masyaAllah.. memang dada terhimpit, sesak. Allahuakbar. Nak selesa skit, tawaf Di luar bulatan selari dengan maqam.
Alhamdulillah saya dan sepupu2 dapat buat tawaf setiap hari , pernah dua kali sehari. Kalau bukan tawaf umrah, Kami buat tawaf sunat. Tawaf sunat biasanya saya akan buat waktu duha, walau panas tapi tak sesak sangat berbanding Lepas subuh, Lepas Asar, atau lepas isya'. Dari pemerhatian saya la..
Amalan paling utama yang kita patut buat semasa berada di Makkah ialah Tawaf Sunat. Jangan lepaskan peluang itu, buat sampai mana Kita mampu..
ROUTINE SAYA DI MAKKAH
Biasanya jadual saya di Mekah camni, Lepas solat isya' saya akan kembali ke hotel untuk makan Malam. Dan saya akan tidur awal, supaya saya bangun awal untuk Qiamulai di Masjidil Haram.
Kecuali satu Malam, saya gerak ke Masjidil Haram semula sesudah makan Malam, sebab berniat untuk masuk ke Hijr Ismail dan cium hajarul aswad.
Biasanya jadual saya di Mekah camni, Lepas solat isya' saya akan kembali ke hotel untuk makan Malam. Dan saya akan tidur awal, supaya saya bangun awal untuk Qiamulai di Masjidil Haram.
Kecuali satu Malam, saya gerak ke Masjidil Haram semula sesudah makan Malam, sebab berniat untuk masuk ke Hijr Ismail dan cium hajarul aswad.
Dalam kul 10mlm Kami pegi ke Masjid selepas makan malam dan rehat sebentar di bilik, amik wudhu, kami buat tawaf sunat dulu. Setelah selesai 7 keliling, kami rapat trus ke hijr Ismail (macam buat 1 lagi pusingan), Di luar pintu hijr Ismail Tu lengang je sebenarnya. Saya masuk dengan dua sepupu. So kami gilir2 untuk solat, lagi dua orang akan jagakan tempat sujud sambil tu bleh berdoa. Jadi mcm guard la gitu. Sambil2 guard tu mesti amik kesempatan berdoa! Alhamdulillah, Allah permudahkan, dapat solat sunat taubat Dan solat sunat hajat dalam hijr Ismail. Selepastu, Kami trus berhimpit dengan kaabah, memang tak dapat ke rukun yamani atau hajarul aswad, ramai orang, Kami cuba ke pintu kaabah pula. Orang dari belakang yang menolak Kami ke arah pintu kaabah. Cara saya: saya berdiri belakang orang yg besar, bila dia keluar saya cepat2 ganti tempat dia. Dapat la sentuh bahagian pintu kaabah. Alhamdulillah.

Allahuakbar.. tak sangka dapat sentuh bahagian pintu kaabah. Segala puji bagi Allah..

Allahuakbar.. tak sangka dapat sentuh bahagian pintu kaabah. Segala puji bagi Allah..
Rukun umrah and wajib umrah saya tak kongsi la di sini yea..
ZIARAH MAKKAH
Jabal Rahmah; Kami turun, saya dan sepupu naik atas bukit sekejap, jemaah yang lain tak, mungkin kekangan masa.
Sejarahnya, seperti diketahui, tempat pertemuan Nabi Adam AS dan Siti Hawa RA di atas bumi. Kalau pada musim Haji, jemaah Haji Akan berada di Jabal Rahmah untuk Wukuf. Sebab Jabal Rahmah berada di dalam Arafah. So Di sini kami panjatkan doa dan hajat. Bukan untuk jodoh semata, doa2 lain pun jugaa..

Jabal Rahmah; Kami turun, saya dan sepupu naik atas bukit sekejap, jemaah yang lain tak, mungkin kekangan masa.
Sejarahnya, seperti diketahui, tempat pertemuan Nabi Adam AS dan Siti Hawa RA di atas bumi. Kalau pada musim Haji, jemaah Haji Akan berada di Jabal Rahmah untuk Wukuf. Sebab Jabal Rahmah berada di dalam Arafah. So Di sini kami panjatkan doa dan hajat. Bukan untuk jodoh semata, doa2 lain pun jugaa..

Lain-lain tempat kami hanya lalu sahaja menaiki bus.
Seperti:
Mina, Mudzalifah, Jabal Nur, Jabal Thur

Haji tu, macam satu "pentasan" di Hari akhirat. Katanya, walau berjuta-juta orang berkumpul sini, tapi tetap rasa sunyi dan keseorangan. Seperti Di Padang Masyar kelak. Allahuakbar. Tak dapat dibayangkan..

Tempat yang jika saya dapat peluang, saya nak ke Jabal Nur. 30 minit mendaki untuk ke Gua Hira', kena naik taxi kalau takde dalam pakej Umrah, dalam 30 Riyal.
Seperti:
Mina, Mudzalifah, Jabal Nur, Jabal Thur

Haji tu, macam satu "pentasan" di Hari akhirat. Katanya, walau berjuta-juta orang berkumpul sini, tapi tetap rasa sunyi dan keseorangan. Seperti Di Padang Masyar kelak. Allahuakbar. Tak dapat dibayangkan..

Tempat yang jika saya dapat peluang, saya nak ke Jabal Nur. 30 minit mendaki untuk ke Gua Hira', kena naik taxi kalau takde dalam pakej Umrah, dalam 30 Riyal.
Ringkasan Harian saya di Mekah
(Ziarah Dan Umrah)
Bangun kul 3am+ siap mandi, untuk pergi ke Masjidil Haram. Qiamulail dan Solat Fardhu Subuh. Pulang ke Hotel untuk sarapan pagi, Dan siap bersedia untuk ziarah (bawa kelangkapan umrah/ihram siap2).
Selepas ziarah, Akan ke Miqat. Umrah ke dua Miqat Di Jaaranah, Umrah ke tiga Miqat di Masjid Hudaibiyah. Kembali ke Masjidil Haram untuk laksanakan tawaf, Saie, dan bertahlul.
Alhamdulillah dua2 umrah selesai sebelum masuk waktu Asar. Sebelum masuk Asar, boleh baca Al- Quran , solat sunat. Lepas solat Asar , saya rehat je, persiapan diri.
Sekali Tu mutawaif bawa kami ke telaga air zam-zam kawasan rumah Nabi Muhammad saw semasa Di Mekah.
Turu sola Maghrib dalam kul 5.30pm. Iktikaf Di Masjidil Haram. Selepas solat Isya' pulaag ke hotel untuk makan malam dan tidur. Dan berniat untuk bangun awal Hari keesokannya..
Bangun kul 3am+ siap mandi, untuk pergi ke Masjidil Haram. Qiamulail dan Solat Fardhu Subuh. Pulang ke Hotel untuk sarapan pagi, Dan siap bersedia untuk ziarah (bawa kelangkapan umrah/ihram siap2).
Selepas ziarah, Akan ke Miqat. Umrah ke dua Miqat Di Jaaranah, Umrah ke tiga Miqat di Masjid Hudaibiyah. Kembali ke Masjidil Haram untuk laksanakan tawaf, Saie, dan bertahlul.
Alhamdulillah dua2 umrah selesai sebelum masuk waktu Asar. Sebelum masuk Asar, boleh baca Al- Quran , solat sunat. Lepas solat Asar , saya rehat je, persiapan diri.
Sekali Tu mutawaif bawa kami ke telaga air zam-zam kawasan rumah Nabi Muhammad saw semasa Di Mekah.
Turu sola Maghrib dalam kul 5.30pm. Iktikaf Di Masjidil Haram. Selepas solat Isya' pulaag ke hotel untuk makan malam dan tidur. Dan berniat untuk bangun awal Hari keesokannya..
(Hari Bebas)
Bangun 3am untuk Qiamullail Dan solat Fardhu Subuh Di Masjidil Haram. Pulang ke Hotel untuk sarapan pagi. Balik bilik (baru Mandi hehe..) pergi ke masjidil haram kul 9am untuk solat sunat dhuha dan tawaf sunat. Iktikaf. Stay sampai zuhur, selepas zuhur, balik hotel makan tengah Hari. Lepastu...... "Melontar" a.k.a shopping.. hehe. Then terus solat Asar, Lepas solat Asar rehat. Dan ke Masjidil Haram untuk solat Maghrib dan Isya'. Lepas Isya' makan malam Di hotel/makan luar.. kul 11pm, ke Masjidil haram untuk laksanakan tawaf sunat dan berniat masuk Hijr Ismail/cium Hajarul Aswad/sentuh multazam.. balik tidur...
Bangun 3am untuk Qiamullail Dan solat Fardhu Subuh Di Masjidil Haram. Pulang ke Hotel untuk sarapan pagi. Balik bilik (baru Mandi hehe..) pergi ke masjidil haram kul 9am untuk solat sunat dhuha dan tawaf sunat. Iktikaf. Stay sampai zuhur, selepas zuhur, balik hotel makan tengah Hari. Lepastu...... "Melontar" a.k.a shopping.. hehe. Then terus solat Asar, Lepas solat Asar rehat. Dan ke Masjidil Haram untuk solat Maghrib dan Isya'. Lepas Isya' makan malam Di hotel/makan luar.. kul 11pm, ke Masjidil haram untuk laksanakan tawaf sunat dan berniat masuk Hijr Ismail/cium Hajarul Aswad/sentuh multazam.. balik tidur...

Hari terakhir di Tanah Suci Kota Makkah ☹️ Semoga Allah menjemput kami lagi menjadi tetamuNya. Amin..
Hari terakhir di Tanah Suci Kota Makkah ☹️ Semoga Allah menjemput kami lagi menjadi tetamuNya. Amin..
Ya Allah..
Melihat kaabah Di depan Mata, bersujud di rumahMu swt, Buat aku rasa betapa kerdilnya aku ni. Aku ni bukan lah sesiapa. Yang aku ni hanyalah hamba. Betapa aku bergantung pada Tuhanku. Yang dunia ni sementara je. Yakin yang aku akan dihitung di akhirat nanti. Yang azab neraka tu memang dasyat. Layakkah aku masuk syurgaNya. Yang ampunkan dosaku hanyalah Allah. Dan hanya kepadaMu aku memohon. Ya Allah hapuskan dosaku. Agar aku dapat menikmati syurgaMu nanti..

Melihat kaabah Di depan Mata, bersujud di rumahMu swt, Buat aku rasa betapa kerdilnya aku ni. Aku ni bukan lah sesiapa. Yang aku ni hanyalah hamba. Betapa aku bergantung pada Tuhanku. Yang dunia ni sementara je. Yakin yang aku akan dihitung di akhirat nanti. Yang azab neraka tu memang dasyat. Layakkah aku masuk syurgaNya. Yang ampunkan dosaku hanyalah Allah. Dan hanya kepadaMu aku memohon. Ya Allah hapuskan dosaku. Agar aku dapat menikmati syurgaMu nanti..

Wednesday, May 8, 2019
Redha dengan TakdirNya
Ada masa aku tertanya,
Kenapa Allah SWT amik nyawa insan yang kita sayang pada umur yang masih muda, dan panjangkan umur insan yang banyak menyusahkan, main dengan najis dia sendiri setiap hari.
Tanya bukan sebab persoalkan takdir Allah, tanya sebab mencari hikmahNya.
Ni lah dalam pemikiran aku setiap pagi sambil mencungkil najis dari celah kuku dia. Sambil tahan bau yang sungguh wangi itu.
Dan aku hanya nampak hikmahNya di akhirat nanti..
merintis air mataku, sambil berkata dalam hati, harap malaikat nampak la ni "Aku tengah bersihkan najis dia dengan penuh kesabaran"
Setelah apa yang dia bagi aku hari-hari, aku tetap masak untuk dia, siapkan air untuk dia. "Allah nak bagi banyak pahala bersabar ni" aku pujuk diri..
Aku hanya berfikir, inilah saham akhirat aku nanti. Amal aku tak sebanyak para sahabat. Dan semoga redhanya aku terhadap takdirNya jadikan redha Allah terhadap diri aku...
Beriman kepada Allah
Beriman kepada malaikat
Beriman kepada Hari Akhirat
Beriman kepada malaikat
Beriman kepada Hari Akhirat
3 benda ni. Yang buat aku kuat. Yang buat aku sabar. Yang buat aku teruskan dengan kerja-kerja harian. Aku menangis fikirkan 3 perkara ni. Dan aku bersyukur kepada Allah, Allah hadirkan keyakinan terhadap 3 perkara ni dalam hati aku.
Allah Maha Mengetahui, Allah Maha Melihat, Allah Maha Adil, Allah Maha Penyayang.
Semoga dua insan ni, jadi saksi dan pembela kami sekeluarga di hadapan mahkamah Allah di Hari Akhirat kelak..
Semoga Allah kurniakan kesabaran dan kekuatan kepada kami dalam mengharungi apa jua ujian yang Allah timpakan..
Dan semoga Allah balas dengan ganjaran jannatul firdausi Di akhirat nanti...
Sunday, May 5, 2019
Blessings in Hardship. Allah chose you
Blessings in Hardship. Allah chose you
Lately I've been focusing on the trial and tribulations in my life, the unfortunates, the shortcomings. I dwell too much on it untill I forget all the blessings that Allah gave me.
I'm focused on trying to be patient, trying to be content with these trials that sometimes it makes me more fragile. More broken. I count the shortcomings. And I sigh.
I know we are suppose to put hope in Allah, but I am at the point where I feel like I'm deserving of something good, I'm waiting and hoping when will Allah give in return to me. Where is Allah when I need Him? It's like I loss the ikhlas..
Without the ikhlas, really, I am unable to be content with myself. Content with what Allah has given me. It's wrong. My thinking is all wrong. How will Allah be redha with me. If it seems like I didn't have redha in Him?
But. There's a point of view I didn't look at.
I joined this one event of famous malaysian influencers giving sharing about their experiences.
"Be grateful. Allah picked you" she said.
I've been hearing this "Allah picked you" a lot .
And pondering on it. What does it mean. To me?
Allah picked me to be faithful to Him. Allah picked me to worship Him. Allah picked me to receive these tests so I would always remember Him.
Ain, is this not what you prayed for? Every day you make du'a
"Ya Allah, make me of those people that always remember You."
"It's a blessing, a Rahmah, to always remember Allah. Allah chose you to have it." She said
I cried. Because I sighed. When all that Allah intended was only good things for me. He granted my du'a but I still questioned Him?
And at that moment I felt like a huge burden just lifted off my shoulders. I said to myself
"La Tahzan. Innallaha ma'ana"
Don't be sad Ain. Allah is with you.
Allah was with me the whole time. Through the tribulations I faced, I talked to Allah to give me strength. Through the trials, I asked Allah to increase my patience. Through the hardships, I asked Allah to grant me something better in the Hereafter.
All I saw was hardship hardship and hardship. But I didn't see the blessings. The blessings of remembering Allah, the blessings of being patient, the blessings of believing in the Hereafter. The blessings of believing in His rewards. The blessings of making Allah, the One you depend on, The Only One to whom you surrender.
And aren't that all blessings Allah have given you?
"Indeed, through hardship there is ease."
(94:5)
You know this ayat. But it takes real faith to truly believe it. "Ease" can mean so many things. An obedient servant would see that "ease" can come in so many ways.
The blessings to be kusyu' in solat, to making a lot du'as, ease you in reading the Qur'an more. Just so many ways that "ease" can come.
SubhanAllah.
If only we open our eyes to see it.
Your answer to where is Allah when you need Him?
"And when My servants ask you concerning Me, the. Surely I am very near; I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he calls on Me, so they should answer My call and believe in Me that they may walk in the right way." (2:186)
If only we open our eyes to see it.
Lately I've been focusing on the trial and tribulations in my life, the unfortunates, the shortcomings. I dwell too much on it untill I forget all the blessings that Allah gave me.
I'm focused on trying to be patient, trying to be content with these trials that sometimes it makes me more fragile. More broken. I count the shortcomings. And I sigh.
I know we are suppose to put hope in Allah, but I am at the point where I feel like I'm deserving of something good, I'm waiting and hoping when will Allah give in return to me. Where is Allah when I need Him? It's like I loss the ikhlas..
Without the ikhlas, really, I am unable to be content with myself. Content with what Allah has given me. It's wrong. My thinking is all wrong. How will Allah be redha with me. If it seems like I didn't have redha in Him?
But. There's a point of view I didn't look at.
I joined this one event of famous malaysian influencers giving sharing about their experiences.
"Be grateful. Allah picked you" she said.
I've been hearing this "Allah picked you" a lot .
And pondering on it. What does it mean. To me?
Allah picked me to be faithful to Him. Allah picked me to worship Him. Allah picked me to receive these tests so I would always remember Him.
Ain, is this not what you prayed for? Every day you make du'a
"Ya Allah, make me of those people that always remember You."
"It's a blessing, a Rahmah, to always remember Allah. Allah chose you to have it." She said
I cried. Because I sighed. When all that Allah intended was only good things for me. He granted my du'a but I still questioned Him?
And at that moment I felt like a huge burden just lifted off my shoulders. I said to myself
"La Tahzan. Innallaha ma'ana"
Don't be sad Ain. Allah is with you.
Allah was with me the whole time. Through the tribulations I faced, I talked to Allah to give me strength. Through the trials, I asked Allah to increase my patience. Through the hardships, I asked Allah to grant me something better in the Hereafter.
All I saw was hardship hardship and hardship. But I didn't see the blessings. The blessings of remembering Allah, the blessings of being patient, the blessings of believing in the Hereafter. The blessings of believing in His rewards. The blessings of making Allah, the One you depend on, The Only One to whom you surrender.
And aren't that all blessings Allah have given you?
"Indeed, through hardship there is ease."
(94:5)
You know this ayat. But it takes real faith to truly believe it. "Ease" can mean so many things. An obedient servant would see that "ease" can come in so many ways.
The blessings to be kusyu' in solat, to making a lot du'as, ease you in reading the Qur'an more. Just so many ways that "ease" can come.
SubhanAllah.
If only we open our eyes to see it.
Your answer to where is Allah when you need Him?
"And when My servants ask you concerning Me, the. Surely I am very near; I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he calls on Me, so they should answer My call and believe in Me that they may walk in the right way." (2:186)
If only we open our eyes to see it.
Friday, May 3, 2019
Ramadhan Goal Experience
Ahlan Was Sahlan Ramadhan
Besides New year's resolution I have done Ramadhan goals before . I too believe in the magic of resolutions! Because it has worked for me many times
People can say, "pfftt masa bulan puasa baru nak jadi baik." "Bulan puasa je pakai tudung, baik tak payah "Masa bulan puasa je pegi masjid."
That's what's special with Ramadhan. It's a Month of barakah 🌼
People start leaving their sins. People start finding Allah and worship Allah. It means that they do believe in Allah 🌹
I remembered one Ramadhan.
I pledged a goal. I wanna pray 5 times a day throughout the whole Ramadhan! At the time I was still jahil but deep down in my heart I wanted to love Allah. So, baby steps. Put an intention to do what's right.
I pledged a goal. I wanna pray 5 times a day throughout the whole Ramadhan! At the time I was still jahil but deep down in my heart I wanted to love Allah. So, baby steps. Put an intention to do what's right.
My friends laughed at me when I told them.
They said what I wrote up there.
"solat tu bukan dalam bulan Ramadhan je Ain."
"You don't just pray during Ramadhan,Ain"
"Memang patut solat hari-hari pun."
"Usually people already have to pray everyday"
Sarcastic.
Yeah. There are gonna be people , those even close to you, that don't understand you, don't support you. Because it's odd to them. like "buang tabiat apa kau ni"
But if your intention is pure for Allah sake, you have to hold firm to what you believe in. Allah will help you. Allah is there for you. Allah will ease you. Regardless of what people around you are saying about you. Because your aim your goal is for The One an Only, Allah.
If you need Ramadhan to give you that push, then do so! If you need Ramadhan to start a new deed, then do so. Make a resolution. Make a pledge. Stick to it for 30 days. Ask Allah for strength. Pray to Allah to help you through.
InsyaAllah. It's better than not even starting, right? You have to start somewhere.
May Allah give us the strength to istiqamah afterwards..May Allah make us people that are always increasing and perfecting our deeds. May Allah accept our good deeds. Ameenn..
So here's mine for Ramadhan 2019
Actually I've been starting this since I came back from umrah. But just haven't been too consistent.
1. Hafal Juzuk 30
(I have 4 surahs more to go. I aim to finish it in Ramadhan. I have instill the intention of memorising the Qur'an. So started with Juzuk 30, and will go on from there. InsyaAllah. May Allah ease. Though, I'm just an average Muslim, didn't learn Islamic studies or anything. But as a Muslim, I believe that the Qur'an will be my witness in the day of judgement . It's the words directly from Allah, I feel like it's such a loss if you don't take the time to try to memorize it, because it's so accessible everywhere anywhere)
2. Solat Sunat ; make it a routine, don't miss it!
-Rawatib
-Solat Sunat Dhuha
-Solat Sunat Awabin
3. Night Prayers
Which is probably easy since we'd go for tarawih every day followed by Witr
4. Qiyamullail
I'd wanna say everyday but I don't think I'd be commited. So let's say at least 3 times a week? And everyday on the last 10 days of Ramadhan
5. Quran recitation
I know it's good to khatam the Qur'an once in Ramadhan, but let's just say it isn't my biggest goal just yet. I've tried and tried before but failed. Closest I got was having 2-3 Juzuk to go. So this year I will try again!
6. Readings
I purposely purchased a book just for Ramadhan. (But I did read some pages already). It's Tafsir of Juzu' Amma by HAMKA. Because insyaAllah will finish hafal all surahs in Juzu' Amma, so I wanna dig deep into the tafseer as well!
So basically I've started all this already since I came back from umrah. But I noticed the spirit and excitement is starting to fade off, day by day, getting lazier. So I pray that Allah will give the booster again for Ramadhan. Can't wait for the Holy Month. Full of Barakah.
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Sunday, April 28, 2019
Dia yang ku rindui
Dari Anas bin Malik radhiallahu ‘anhu, beliau berkata bahawa Rasulullah SAW bersabda:
مَن صلَّى عليَّ صلاةً واحدةً، صَلى اللهُ عليه عَشْرَ صَلَوَاتٍ، وحُطَّتْ عنه عَشْرُ خَطيئاتٍ، ورُفِعَتْ له عَشْرُ دَرَجَاتٍ
Sesiapa yang mengucapkan selawat kepadaku satu kali maka Allah akan berselawat baginya sepuluh kali, dan digugurkan sepuluh kesalahan (dosa)nya, serta ditinggikan baginya sepuluh darjat/tingkatan (di syurga kelak).”
[HR An-Nasa’i No. 1297, Ahmad, sahih.]
[HR An-Nasa’i No. 1297, Ahmad, sahih.]
Pagi tadi tengok Tanyalah Ustaz Di TV3, tajuk harini ialah 'mengenali rasul'. Dapat dengar perkongsian dari Ustaz tentang bagaimana dan kenapa perlunya kita beriman kepada Rasul.
Masa tengah drive, di radio pula cerita tentang hadith di atas. Kelebihan kita berselawat kepada Nabi Muhammad SAW.
Buku yang aku tengah baca pun, baru habis bab 'perintah untuk mengikut sunnah-sunnah Rasulullah' dan dalam bab tu tertulis la ayat-ayat Al-Quran di bawah.
Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala berfirman:
قُلْ إِنْ كُنْتُمْ تُحِبُّونَ اللَّهَ فَاتَّبِعُونِي يُحْبِبْكُمُ اللَّهُ وَيَغْفِرْ لَكُمْ ذُنُوبَكُمْ ۗ وَاللَّهُ غَفُورٌ رَحِيمٌ
“Katakanlah: ‘Jika kamu (benar-benar) mencintai Allah, ikutilah aku, niscaya Allah mencintai kamu dan mengampuni dosa-dosamu. Dan Allah Maha Pengampun lagi Maha Penyayang.’”
[Ali 'Imran: 31]
[Ali 'Imran: 31]
وَأَطِيعُوا الرَّسُولَ لَعَلَّكُمْ تُرْحَمُونَ
“Dan taatlah kepada Rasul supaya kamu diberi rahmat.” [An-Nuur: 56]
Allah SWT memang sweet sangat.
Aku sebenarnya risau. Risau yang semangat aku semakin pudar. Iman tu tak stabil. Kadang-kadang berada di atas, tinggi, tapi kita kan manusia, dan akan ada masanya ia akan mula menurun.
Istiqamah is not easy.
But today all these reminders of Nabi Muhammad saw, I guess all these hints and reminders today, was Allah reminding me, like Allah is speaking to me 'Ain terus kuatkan semangat.' and to make me remember time I was in Madinah in Masjid Nabawi, in Masjidil Haram, Makkah. The time semangat berkobar-kobar.
A reminder to always do your best, to set Nabi Muhammad saw an example, to love him saw.
Nabi Allah. Kekasih Allah. Yang diagungkan dalam Al-Quran. Masatu aku sangat kagum dengan baginda, aku sangat menghargai jasa dan pengorbanan baginda, aku sangat mencintai baginda. Masatu aku merasai kemanisan iman 'mencintai Allah SWT dan Nabi Muhammad saw lebih dari segalanya' . Dan aku rindu. Rindu nak rasa macam Tu. Dan takut jika perasaan itu mula pudar. Aku berdoa kepadaNya, 'Ya Allah penuhkan dada ku dengan Iman dan perlihara ia sepanjang hidupku. '
Nabi Allah. Kekasih Allah. Yang diagungkan dalam Al-Quran. Masatu aku sangat kagum dengan baginda, aku sangat menghargai jasa dan pengorbanan baginda, aku sangat mencintai baginda. Masatu aku merasai kemanisan iman 'mencintai Allah SWT dan Nabi Muhammad saw lebih dari segalanya' . Dan aku rindu. Rindu nak rasa macam Tu. Dan takut jika perasaan itu mula pudar. Aku berdoa kepadaNya, 'Ya Allah penuhkan dada ku dengan Iman dan perlihara ia sepanjang hidupku. '
Whatever happens, if you feel like your spirit is fading , Tetaplah jaga hubungan dengan Allah. Always pray to Allah. Pray to Him to increase your excitement in doing Ibadahs, to increase your faith, to protect you from the things that make you forget Him. Always have faith in Him. You'll be surprise with all His little reminders and answers to you, even without you noticing it.
Ya Allah, cucurilah rahmat, kesejahteraan, keberkatan ke atas penghulu kami, Nabi Muhammad SAW, dan keatas keluarganya, dan sahabat sekalian
Dia yang bertongkat
Aku berselisih dengan seorang hamba Allah. Yang sedang tawaf melilingi Baitullah. Dengan hanya mengheret dirinya menggunakan tangannya. Allahuakbar. Kecacatan pada dirinya, kesusahan yang dihadapinya, tidak menghalangi dirinya untuk terus mengabdi diri kepada Allah SWT.
Sedangkan kita yang cukup sifat Allah kurniakan, nikmat kekuatan dan kesempurnaan tubuh badan Allah berikan, tapi masih ada rasa liat untuk berjalan menuju ke Masjid, masih rasa berat untuk mendirikan solat yang diwajibkan..
Aku juga berselisih dengan seorang hamba Allah, yang tak dapat melihat pun kecantikan Baitullah yang dia sedang melilingi, tawaf dipandukan sebatang tongkat putih. Allahuakbar. Tapi masih yakin dengan Allah Yang Maha Esa, mengabdikan diri kepada Tuhannya yang disembah. Mungkin buta di mata, tapi semestinya tidak buta di hati.
Sedangkan kita yang dapat melihat dengan mata yang Allah kurniakan segala citpaanNya untuk mengingati kita akan kebenaranNya, tapi masih buta hati dan lalai mengingati Allah Yang Maha Pencipta. Mata dikurniakan yang memudahkan kita membaca ayat suci Al-Quran, tapi berapa kali sebulan kita luangkan masa untuk membacanya..
"Maka nikmat Tuhan kamu yang manakah kamu dustakan?"
Semua nikmat yang Allah berikan kepada kita akan ditanya pada hari akhirat nanti
"Kemudian kamu benar-benar akan ditanya pada hari itu akan kenikmatan." (Al-Takathur:8)
Kita nak jawab apa dengan Allah nanti ni... adakah kita dah gunakan dengan sebaik-baiknya..
Allahuakbar.. ramai di luar sana yang serba kekurangan tapi masih boleh rasa bersyukur kepada Allah.. Kita ni yang serba kesenangan, Allah kurniakan pelbagai nikmat, tapi kita ni masih lagi lalai, mendustakannya.. Allah Maha Pemurah bagi kita macam2 ❤️ sentiasa la kita bersyukur dan menggunakan nikmat-nikmat ke arah kebaikan di dunia dan do akhirat
Wednesday, December 7, 2016
The hectic third year
Surviving Third Year in MDUKM
In UKM, third year consists of 3 major postings which are Internal Medicine, Surgery, Obstetrics & Gynecology, and a minor posting Public Health.
We'll have to go through 2 of the postings in 1 semester. Then the other two postings in the next semester. After each of the semester, there will be the final exams which consist of the theory paper and OSCE.
I was very fortunate because I got the posting that I was most looking forward to first. SURGERY! So I went into third year veryyy excited. Despite not having any of my closest friends in the same posting, I am determined to make the most out of it.
so Surgery, around 70 people in a posting were divided into several teams (hepatobiliary, colorectal, upper gastrointestinal, breast&endocrine, vascular). and in that team, we were divided further into our respective supervisors. I was put under the hepatobiliary team throughout 7 weeks of surgeryyyy.
UKM syllabus is ever so changing. I was third year in 2015. and I think currently, the schedule has changed. During my surgery posting, we were basically really free. Few days, we would have lectures & seminars. but that would only be 1-2 hours in the morning or maybe 1-2 hours in the afternoon. Other than that, we are basically on our own.
Hepatobiliary team has morning ward rounds every day. and I once counted if i go to the ward at 7 am. I would go through ward rounds three times. (one with HO®istrar, 2nd registrar with specialist, 3rd would be when the consultants come) *means same patient 3 times* tapi tak semua patient la.. hahaha.. hepatobiliary team has a lotttt of patients. and usually these cases are the *must know* topics in surgery. for example : jaundice, gall stones, cholescystitis, hepatocellular carcinoma etc. a.k,a usual short case & long case. But during my time, it wasnt really "mandatory" to follow the rounds. "means the doctors doesnt really care if you are there or not" . But you are student and you know nothing so, its better you do follow the rounds. ask questions. cover bed. and clerk the cases before ward rounds.
Basically the main point you need to know in clinical year is that everything is your own initiative. No, the doctors will no tell you to do this and that anymore (certain), to read this or that. Teach you step by step. If you want teaching, you have to ask for it. When you do come for teaching, you must be prepared. Dah clerk patient. Case dah ada . dah tau investigation and managment. (usually teaching would pretty much be a long case presentation or a bed side teaching) . If its a bedside teaching, you have to search for the patients before hand (minta izin dulu okay), you are already prepared to volunteer to do the examination. Our lecturers/Doctors will be there to correct what is wrong and and add in some information. It is our responsibility to read up the topic first and come with knowledge.
Its not like PBL anymore - tau topic tu. start first session baru nak search kat medscape, wiki, dan sebagainya. NOPE.
Clinical year macam ni - "okay esok buat abdomen" - so before teaching you'd have to study about the liver, the stomach, the colon, hernia, what ever causes masses in the abdomen, causes of acute abdomen. and you need to know everything. examination, clinical feature, investigation, management. semua tu dah tau dah. tunggu nak present je kat doctor je. haaaaaa.
So my suggestion for the clinical year.
1) Spend loads loads and loads of time in the wards. Practice history taking, physical examinations. So you can gain confidence, you'd be comfortable. tak takut. Dah clerk case kat ward, balik pergi baca investigation and management dia pulak. Dont think that you are in third year you don't need to know the treatment/management. You call yourself a future doctor kot. YOU NEED TO KNOW! (its better if you do though. tak rugi apa2)
2) Get guidance from your senior. this is applicable as well for internal medicine and o&g. I myself was close to my seniors during surgery and O&G and the amount of knowledge they gave me.....I cant thank them enough. I followed them everywhere, I ask them too many questions. They tell me a lot of things without me asking. And because of them... I survived the hectic third year!
but everything depends in what team you're in what supervisor you got. ada juga team yang ada "hala tuju". I unfortunately was not in it HAHA.
Next, I went into O&G. I got yellow ward. This is another posting that I had no "hala tuju" . and everything was on my own initiative. especially when my supervisor would only see us on the 4th week of posting. that means we had to learning everything about O&G before we had teaching. (HMMM....) yeah thats clinical year... O&G -WAJIB ikut ward round everyday. tak rugi apa2 pun. WAJIB cover bed. tak rugi apa2 pun juga. its all for our own good.
O&G was fun because there were a lot of procedures and labour to assist(yeke?)/observe.
IM- set your aim 2 short cases a day. 1 short case a day. go back home and read! simple. In this posting I had a more "hala tuju" . I'd follow my supervisor's ward round everyday. We'd have long case presentation everyday of different cases and systems. we'd have short case bed side teaching twice a week. and sometimes even just a group discussion. I was fortunate to have some guidance compared to my other posting mates. but with that, I had to find my own extra time to search for the cases. which was quite difficult as well because most of the time we were with our supervisor. So for IM, theres alot of "your own initiative" kinda thing. cari case. clerk. physical examination. present. REPEAT. balik baca investigation, management. REPEAT
Assesments:
1) Case Write Up
2) Long Case (from history, physical examination, investigation, management)
3)Short case (physical examination, investigation, and maybe management)
4)OSCE
5)Theory
In UKM, third year consists of 3 major postings which are Internal Medicine, Surgery, Obstetrics & Gynecology, and a minor posting Public Health.
We'll have to go through 2 of the postings in 1 semester. Then the other two postings in the next semester. After each of the semester, there will be the final exams which consist of the theory paper and OSCE.
I was very fortunate because I got the posting that I was most looking forward to first. SURGERY! So I went into third year veryyy excited. Despite not having any of my closest friends in the same posting, I am determined to make the most out of it.
so Surgery, around 70 people in a posting were divided into several teams (hepatobiliary, colorectal, upper gastrointestinal, breast&endocrine, vascular). and in that team, we were divided further into our respective supervisors. I was put under the hepatobiliary team throughout 7 weeks of surgeryyyy.
UKM syllabus is ever so changing. I was third year in 2015. and I think currently, the schedule has changed. During my surgery posting, we were basically really free. Few days, we would have lectures & seminars. but that would only be 1-2 hours in the morning or maybe 1-2 hours in the afternoon. Other than that, we are basically on our own.
Hepatobiliary team has morning ward rounds every day. and I once counted if i go to the ward at 7 am. I would go through ward rounds three times. (one with HO®istrar, 2nd registrar with specialist, 3rd would be when the consultants come) *means same patient 3 times* tapi tak semua patient la.. hahaha.. hepatobiliary team has a lotttt of patients. and usually these cases are the *must know* topics in surgery. for example : jaundice, gall stones, cholescystitis, hepatocellular carcinoma etc. a.k,a usual short case & long case. But during my time, it wasnt really "mandatory" to follow the rounds. "means the doctors doesnt really care if you are there or not" . But you are student and you know nothing so, its better you do follow the rounds. ask questions. cover bed. and clerk the cases before ward rounds.
Basically the main point you need to know in clinical year is that everything is your own initiative. No, the doctors will no tell you to do this and that anymore (certain), to read this or that. Teach you step by step. If you want teaching, you have to ask for it. When you do come for teaching, you must be prepared. Dah clerk patient. Case dah ada . dah tau investigation and managment. (usually teaching would pretty much be a long case presentation or a bed side teaching) . If its a bedside teaching, you have to search for the patients before hand (minta izin dulu okay), you are already prepared to volunteer to do the examination. Our lecturers/Doctors will be there to correct what is wrong and and add in some information. It is our responsibility to read up the topic first and come with knowledge.
Its not like PBL anymore - tau topic tu. start first session baru nak search kat medscape, wiki, dan sebagainya. NOPE.
Clinical year macam ni - "okay esok buat abdomen" - so before teaching you'd have to study about the liver, the stomach, the colon, hernia, what ever causes masses in the abdomen, causes of acute abdomen. and you need to know everything. examination, clinical feature, investigation, management. semua tu dah tau dah. tunggu nak present je kat doctor je. haaaaaa.
So my suggestion for the clinical year.
1) Spend loads loads and loads of time in the wards. Practice history taking, physical examinations. So you can gain confidence, you'd be comfortable. tak takut. Dah clerk case kat ward, balik pergi baca investigation and management dia pulak. Dont think that you are in third year you don't need to know the treatment/management. You call yourself a future doctor kot. YOU NEED TO KNOW! (its better if you do though. tak rugi apa2)
2) Get guidance from your senior. this is applicable as well for internal medicine and o&g. I myself was close to my seniors during surgery and O&G and the amount of knowledge they gave me.....I cant thank them enough. I followed them everywhere, I ask them too many questions. They tell me a lot of things without me asking. And because of them... I survived the hectic third year!
but everything depends in what team you're in what supervisor you got. ada juga team yang ada "hala tuju". I unfortunately was not in it HAHA.
Next, I went into O&G. I got yellow ward. This is another posting that I had no "hala tuju" . and everything was on my own initiative. especially when my supervisor would only see us on the 4th week of posting. that means we had to learning everything about O&G before we had teaching. (HMMM....) yeah thats clinical year... O&G -WAJIB ikut ward round everyday. tak rugi apa2 pun. WAJIB cover bed. tak rugi apa2 pun juga. its all for our own good.
O&G was fun because there were a lot of procedures and labour to assist(yeke?)/observe.
IM- set your aim 2 short cases a day. 1 short case a day. go back home and read! simple. In this posting I had a more "hala tuju" . I'd follow my supervisor's ward round everyday. We'd have long case presentation everyday of different cases and systems. we'd have short case bed side teaching twice a week. and sometimes even just a group discussion. I was fortunate to have some guidance compared to my other posting mates. but with that, I had to find my own extra time to search for the cases. which was quite difficult as well because most of the time we were with our supervisor. So for IM, theres alot of "your own initiative" kinda thing. cari case. clerk. physical examination. present. REPEAT. balik baca investigation, management. REPEAT
Assesments:
1) Case Write Up
2) Long Case (from history, physical examination, investigation, management)
3)Short case (physical examination, investigation, and maybe management)
4)OSCE
5)Theory
Sunday, February 28, 2016
My asian third culture kid experience
My Third Culture Kid Experience.
it took me a while adapting to a place im supposed to call "home" . "Home" because it's where I was born. But it's not "home" because it's not a place im comfortable in. and heck Im still adapting to it right now. Despite being here for 10 years already. There are still struggles that I face and still learning to cope. But i'd say I'm a quite normal Malay now because I spent my teenage phase here. so it shaped me to becoming who I am now. but I'll never forget my childhood, that valuble exerience I'd never change it for anything.
Being an asian TCK, it's hard to commit. until now, Im so used to changing schools, saying goodbye that it's hard for me to remain in close contact with people. I get jealous of people who are still close with their primary school friends and they'd have reminiscents of the time when they were in first grade. and look forward to school reunions. and Im like my elementary school friends are all over the world.
I remember when I was a kid, I would make friends and I would tell myself. Ain, dont get yourself too attach. you know one day you'd have to move again. and it'd be hard to let go. Thus, I am someone who is okay with having transient friendship but has difficulty to remain a friendship
Being an asian TCK, Im not called by my name how it's supposed to be pronounced. come on, can I expect an American be able to pronounce Ain. Aaaain (kat tekak tu). Norain. you think they know that my name has three syllabus? So because im tooo lazy to teach people how to pronounce my name everytime. im okay with No-Rain. coincidently my 3rd grade teacher's name was Ms.Lorraine. it was similar. hahaa. I told my high school friends this, and they end up calling me by that. (mesti orang pelik kalau dorang comment kat FB dorang tulis Norain. cam apehal skema gila tulis nama penuh. but actually they're really saying No-Rain. haha)
Being an asian TCK, my "mother-tongue" is soo poor. and it still is. haha. Im sorry if I have trouble pronouncing certain words, or I misspelled words, or misused words, or get my grammar so wrong. I didnt go to primary school here. so I missed the wholeeeee grammar and vocab part. suddenly when I came back to Malaysia Im supposed to write a 300 words essay? pffffft. hah. speaking of struggles. I remember in form one, i'd get comments from my BM teacher "jangan guna perkataan bahasa inggeris dalam karangan bahasa melayu." welll waddaya expect? you want me to leave a space blank there? (shrugs) I think Im like the only malay student who literally reads "Tatabahasa" book. like literally read about all those grammar things just to pass the exam. I shocked people by getting an A for BM in pmr and spm . bahaha but is unable to apply the knowledge. lol.
Being an asian TCK, I acquired this "accent". it used to be an American accent, but now after mixing it up with malay language, it doesnt sound so american anymore.. ? (shrugs). i'd get, are you indonesian? are you from UK? noooo, I can not do a British accent. no. epic failure. I'd still have friends who'd mock my accent because of how I pronounce my R's and T's. like Butter. i'd say budderr. not bate(softR). or Uterine as Uderrrine. and paper as payperrr. and soil as soy-yel. But I like my accent. it's like the one and only thing that I still have of US and that reminds me of my childhood.
Being and asian TCK im fine with humblity (is that a word). I have a big family, and my dad was just a PHD student. the whole family had to work for extra money. So im not ashamed that my clothes were from goodwill, and we'd shop for 2nd hand clothes, and my family would be excited looking for garage sales. and we'd collect cans every football season to get extra pocket money. We'd go to foodbanks to get free food. We'd wait for the community to give out free winter clothings. Dont think that we who grew up in the US had a daisy and blossum life there. shopping in branded stores and wear lavashing clothes. nope. So I dont mind if I buy clothes in pasar malam. I dont mind if I buy things from "bundles". I dont mind if my things are old and rugged. as long as I can still use it.
The struggles. nope I wouldnt say it as a struggling. more like "the way of life." You have to work hard to get what you want/need, and you have to adapt to how much you can afford.
2 kerja? my dad did like 3-4 kerja when he was a PHD student to raise his 6 children in the US. ingat senang ke? my dad is a dean and he gets picked up from the airport by a KENARI. and he doesnt mind that XD
We just had a humble life growing up in the US. not like what you see in the TV. but the experience I gain, I wouldnt change it for anything
it took me a while adapting to a place im supposed to call "home" . "Home" because it's where I was born. But it's not "home" because it's not a place im comfortable in. and heck Im still adapting to it right now. Despite being here for 10 years already. There are still struggles that I face and still learning to cope. But i'd say I'm a quite normal Malay now because I spent my teenage phase here. so it shaped me to becoming who I am now. but I'll never forget my childhood, that valuble exerience I'd never change it for anything.
Being an asian TCK, it's hard to commit. until now, Im so used to changing schools, saying goodbye that it's hard for me to remain in close contact with people. I get jealous of people who are still close with their primary school friends and they'd have reminiscents of the time when they were in first grade. and look forward to school reunions. and Im like my elementary school friends are all over the world.
I remember when I was a kid, I would make friends and I would tell myself. Ain, dont get yourself too attach. you know one day you'd have to move again. and it'd be hard to let go. Thus, I am someone who is okay with having transient friendship but has difficulty to remain a friendship
Being an asian TCK, Im not called by my name how it's supposed to be pronounced. come on, can I expect an American be able to pronounce Ain. Aaaain (kat tekak tu). Norain. you think they know that my name has three syllabus? So because im tooo lazy to teach people how to pronounce my name everytime. im okay with No-Rain. coincidently my 3rd grade teacher's name was Ms.Lorraine. it was similar. hahaa. I told my high school friends this, and they end up calling me by that. (mesti orang pelik kalau dorang comment kat FB dorang tulis Norain. cam apehal skema gila tulis nama penuh. but actually they're really saying No-Rain. haha)
Being an asian TCK, my "mother-tongue" is soo poor. and it still is. haha. Im sorry if I have trouble pronouncing certain words, or I misspelled words, or misused words, or get my grammar so wrong. I didnt go to primary school here. so I missed the wholeeeee grammar and vocab part. suddenly when I came back to Malaysia Im supposed to write a 300 words essay? pffffft. hah. speaking of struggles. I remember in form one, i'd get comments from my BM teacher "jangan guna perkataan bahasa inggeris dalam karangan bahasa melayu." welll waddaya expect? you want me to leave a space blank there? (shrugs) I think Im like the only malay student who literally reads "Tatabahasa" book. like literally read about all those grammar things just to pass the exam. I shocked people by getting an A for BM in pmr and spm . bahaha but is unable to apply the knowledge. lol.
Being an asian TCK, I acquired this "accent". it used to be an American accent, but now after mixing it up with malay language, it doesnt sound so american anymore.. ? (shrugs). i'd get, are you indonesian? are you from UK? noooo, I can not do a British accent. no. epic failure. I'd still have friends who'd mock my accent because of how I pronounce my R's and T's. like Butter. i'd say budderr. not bate(softR). or Uterine as Uderrrine. and paper as payperrr. and soil as soy-yel. But I like my accent. it's like the one and only thing that I still have of US and that reminds me of my childhood.
Being and asian TCK im fine with humblity (is that a word). I have a big family, and my dad was just a PHD student. the whole family had to work for extra money. So im not ashamed that my clothes were from goodwill, and we'd shop for 2nd hand clothes, and my family would be excited looking for garage sales. and we'd collect cans every football season to get extra pocket money. We'd go to foodbanks to get free food. We'd wait for the community to give out free winter clothings. Dont think that we who grew up in the US had a daisy and blossum life there. shopping in branded stores and wear lavashing clothes. nope. So I dont mind if I buy clothes in pasar malam. I dont mind if I buy things from "bundles". I dont mind if my things are old and rugged. as long as I can still use it.
The struggles. nope I wouldnt say it as a struggling. more like "the way of life." You have to work hard to get what you want/need, and you have to adapt to how much you can afford.
2 kerja? my dad did like 3-4 kerja when he was a PHD student to raise his 6 children in the US. ingat senang ke? my dad is a dean and he gets picked up from the airport by a KENARI. and he doesnt mind that XD
We just had a humble life growing up in the US. not like what you see in the TV. but the experience I gain, I wouldnt change it for anything
Thursday, November 12, 2015
One Year Later (recap 2nd year)
Assalamualaikum and Hi.
After more than one year, I finally decided to open my blog.
Well yeah it sure was ONE HECTIC YEAR.
To recap what has happened within the one year;
I didn't post anything at all during my 2nd year in medical school ukm. This is what happened
[1ST SEMESTER]
The preclinical students had to stay in UKM Bangi campus for one semester. which was hrrmmm. agak menyusahkan. We were on the bas at 6.30 am to go to Cheras and back to Bangi at 5pm. Go through traffic jam and all that stuff. arrive at bangi at 6pm. EVERYDAY. It was exhausting
*Module*
-Blood&Lymph
-Cardiovascular system
-Respiratory system
-Urinary system
At this point of the preclinical year, the topics became more interesting. We actually learn about diseases and stuff. There were sessions where we were able to go to the dissection hall and actually hold heart and lungs and stuff.
People say CVS module is the toughest in this semester. There's a lot of physiology and pharmacology. I repeat. PHARMACOLOGY. Students banyak kantoi kat pharmacology la I think. But if you could thoroughly understand physiology, I don't think pharmacology would be a trouble. oh and ANATOMY. haha. sebab soalan famous is the embryology question. Sebab orang selalu baca topic ni last sekali ( ingat tak penting ) but tetiba keluar essay. mampus. CVS suka juga keluarkan anatomy yang macam-macam. even though it is just one heart. but ventricle have it's own story, atrium is a different story. hey, aorta and pulmonary trunk pun ada their own story tau. and all the great vessels pun is another story. so cover that la ye.
Respiratory and urinary system. macam biasalah.. mahir physiology.. get to know pathology.. and then the pharmacology according to the pathology. like TB and their drugs. Asthma and their drugs. so and so..
Within this semester. I was superrrrr busy with sports. I entered 3 sports. Basketball, Handball, and Netball. Dah lah duduk dekat Bangi. latihan kat Cheras. Just imagine. and the training was at night pula tu. My friends said my car became my closet. and I was like "Liz Murray" in the one movie we watch during PPD, because Liz Murray sleep on the streets. HAHA in other words. MEREMPAT.
I did pretty well during this semester though. I got my pointer up to where I wanted it. I just wanted to prove, tak ada alasan ye adik-adik. Walau sibuk mana pun. There is always time to study.
Tapi semester ni juga la, I practically lived in the library (blok pendidikan). I hunted the library. Found really awesome books. Because I knew I was gonna be busy with sports and stuff. so any free time that I had I'd spend it in the library. reading textbooks, and making notes. buat PBL serta merta. totally worth it okay. Jangan takut orang cakap "peghhh study kat library siot" or what ever kan. Ehhh peduli lah..
[2nd SEMESTER]
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
why the big laugh?
because I kinda became orang gila this semester. LOL.
First of all, I joined soooo many programs. tooo many programs. tak terkata. like penah , one weekend there was 4 events. in one weekend! Serabut. SERABUT!
Because I'm just someone who doesn't know how to say NO. When people offer me to join any programmes, and they would plead. I just don't have the heart to reject. Selagi mampu aku bermonolog. memang lah mampu. But emotionally. hmmm? hati je tahu. A lot of programmes, a lot of positions, a lot of meetings. On the outside, I try to act strong and happy always. People wouldn't even know I had a problem. Tapi sampai bilik. hrrmmmm.....
So adik-adik please jangan masuk macam-macam programme. satu dua just to gain exprience is enough. PLEASE BE ABLE TO SAY NO. Please be assertive.
walau bagaimanapun. I promised to myself, I wouldn't let this extra curricular activities affect my studies. It didn't. I improved. Did even better than the 1st semester. so again, just to prove that, being busy is not an acceptable reason. There is always enough time. Its just the matter of how you sort your time. How you use your time.
*module*
-Gastrointestinal System
-Endocrine System
-Central Nervous System
-Reproductive System
What I did different this 2nd year when compared to 1st year (despite being even busier). I used textbooks. I read beyond lecture notes. I added so many notes around the lecture notes. extra info. Because I found that library in the blok pendidikan is awesome. I borrowed a few books. but actually read like one book that I find very helpful. and stick to that throughout the module. Yeah..
GIT and CNS - 5 credit hour guyyyyysss!
despite it being what they call it "THE MOST TOUGHEST MODULE" yeah wrong grammar ye adik-adik. I did better in these two modules compared to endo and Reproductive. So jangan lah cuak sangat ye adik-adik. GIT and CNS is very interesting. Jangan takut sebab ada even more than 20 lectuers (tak termasuk SLP and MES and stuff hiks. berlambak). Memang, you have to read beyond the lecture notes. find additional information to really understand it. First of all ANATOMY. anatomy ANATOMY ANATOMY. should be at the end of your finger tips. bukan setakat the anatomy of the organ and then blood supply and lymph buat tatau je. No no no. jangan. soalan blood supply to famous okay. memang kena khatam la anatomy.
hrmmm what else. physiology, pathology, pharmacology... kena baca and faham juga la okay. untuk CNS physiology banyak la jugak. but okay jeee :D this is two really fun module! sebab nanti nak bawa ke klinikal. so fikir, kita study bukan untuk Ace the Exam. sebab nanti ilmu ni diperlukan lagi untuk klinikal nanti.
Summary,
Don't give "busy" or "not enough time" a reason to not do well in studies. Allah bagi kita banyakkkk masa. cukup masa.
The truth is,
dalam banyak-banyak benda yang aku masuk and aku kena buat. I promised to myself that I won't avoid my faith, my religion. Memang risau, what happens to my faith after being so busy in dunya. tah kemana tah campak agama. but mana boleh macam tu kan. So, I devoted time. I joined the jemaah prayers for maghrib and isya' at the surau (I try to). and that time is strictly for me and Allah. hal dunya jangan campur. and also, every wednesday, pergi kelas hafazan.
So "masa "tu memang kena pandai bahagikan. akhirah and dunya. jangan focus pada dunya saja sampaikan akhirah dilupakan. Tak berkat la the things we do in dunya. Allah dah bagi kita enough time. It's is up to us to use it wisely.
:)
After more than one year, I finally decided to open my blog.
Well yeah it sure was ONE HECTIC YEAR.
To recap what has happened within the one year;
I didn't post anything at all during my 2nd year in medical school ukm. This is what happened
[1ST SEMESTER]
The preclinical students had to stay in UKM Bangi campus for one semester. which was hrrmmm. agak menyusahkan. We were on the bas at 6.30 am to go to Cheras and back to Bangi at 5pm. Go through traffic jam and all that stuff. arrive at bangi at 6pm. EVERYDAY. It was exhausting
*Module*
-Blood&Lymph
-Cardiovascular system
-Respiratory system
-Urinary system
At this point of the preclinical year, the topics became more interesting. We actually learn about diseases and stuff. There were sessions where we were able to go to the dissection hall and actually hold heart and lungs and stuff.
People say CVS module is the toughest in this semester. There's a lot of physiology and pharmacology. I repeat. PHARMACOLOGY. Students banyak kantoi kat pharmacology la I think. But if you could thoroughly understand physiology, I don't think pharmacology would be a trouble. oh and ANATOMY. haha. sebab soalan famous is the embryology question. Sebab orang selalu baca topic ni last sekali ( ingat tak penting ) but tetiba keluar essay. mampus. CVS suka juga keluarkan anatomy yang macam-macam. even though it is just one heart. but ventricle have it's own story, atrium is a different story. hey, aorta and pulmonary trunk pun ada their own story tau. and all the great vessels pun is another story. so cover that la ye.
Respiratory and urinary system. macam biasalah.. mahir physiology.. get to know pathology.. and then the pharmacology according to the pathology. like TB and their drugs. Asthma and their drugs. so and so..
Within this semester. I was superrrrr busy with sports. I entered 3 sports. Basketball, Handball, and Netball. Dah lah duduk dekat Bangi. latihan kat Cheras. Just imagine. and the training was at night pula tu. My friends said my car became my closet. and I was like "Liz Murray" in the one movie we watch during PPD, because Liz Murray sleep on the streets. HAHA in other words. MEREMPAT.
I did pretty well during this semester though. I got my pointer up to where I wanted it. I just wanted to prove, tak ada alasan ye adik-adik. Walau sibuk mana pun. There is always time to study.
Tapi semester ni juga la, I practically lived in the library (blok pendidikan). I hunted the library. Found really awesome books. Because I knew I was gonna be busy with sports and stuff. so any free time that I had I'd spend it in the library. reading textbooks, and making notes. buat PBL serta merta. totally worth it okay. Jangan takut orang cakap "peghhh study kat library siot" or what ever kan. Ehhh peduli lah..
[2nd SEMESTER]
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
why the big laugh?
because I kinda became orang gila this semester. LOL.
First of all, I joined soooo many programs. tooo many programs. tak terkata. like penah , one weekend there was 4 events. in one weekend! Serabut. SERABUT!
Because I'm just someone who doesn't know how to say NO. When people offer me to join any programmes, and they would plead. I just don't have the heart to reject. Selagi mampu aku bermonolog. memang lah mampu. But emotionally. hmmm? hati je tahu. A lot of programmes, a lot of positions, a lot of meetings. On the outside, I try to act strong and happy always. People wouldn't even know I had a problem. Tapi sampai bilik. hrrmmmm.....
So adik-adik please jangan masuk macam-macam programme. satu dua just to gain exprience is enough. PLEASE BE ABLE TO SAY NO. Please be assertive.
walau bagaimanapun. I promised to myself, I wouldn't let this extra curricular activities affect my studies. It didn't. I improved. Did even better than the 1st semester. so again, just to prove that, being busy is not an acceptable reason. There is always enough time. Its just the matter of how you sort your time. How you use your time.
*module*
-Gastrointestinal System
-Endocrine System
-Central Nervous System
-Reproductive System
What I did different this 2nd year when compared to 1st year (despite being even busier). I used textbooks. I read beyond lecture notes. I added so many notes around the lecture notes. extra info. Because I found that library in the blok pendidikan is awesome. I borrowed a few books. but actually read like one book that I find very helpful. and stick to that throughout the module. Yeah..
GIT and CNS - 5 credit hour guyyyyysss!
despite it being what they call it "THE MOST TOUGHEST MODULE" yeah wrong grammar ye adik-adik. I did better in these two modules compared to endo and Reproductive. So jangan lah cuak sangat ye adik-adik. GIT and CNS is very interesting. Jangan takut sebab ada even more than 20 lectuers (tak termasuk SLP and MES and stuff hiks. berlambak). Memang, you have to read beyond the lecture notes. find additional information to really understand it. First of all ANATOMY. anatomy ANATOMY ANATOMY. should be at the end of your finger tips. bukan setakat the anatomy of the organ and then blood supply and lymph buat tatau je. No no no. jangan. soalan blood supply to famous okay. memang kena khatam la anatomy.
hrmmm what else. physiology, pathology, pharmacology... kena baca and faham juga la okay. untuk CNS physiology banyak la jugak. but okay jeee :D this is two really fun module! sebab nanti nak bawa ke klinikal. so fikir, kita study bukan untuk Ace the Exam. sebab nanti ilmu ni diperlukan lagi untuk klinikal nanti.
Summary,
Don't give "busy" or "not enough time" a reason to not do well in studies. Allah bagi kita banyakkkk masa. cukup masa.
The truth is,
dalam banyak-banyak benda yang aku masuk and aku kena buat. I promised to myself that I won't avoid my faith, my religion. Memang risau, what happens to my faith after being so busy in dunya. tah kemana tah campak agama. but mana boleh macam tu kan. So, I devoted time. I joined the jemaah prayers for maghrib and isya' at the surau (I try to). and that time is strictly for me and Allah. hal dunya jangan campur. and also, every wednesday, pergi kelas hafazan.
So "masa "tu memang kena pandai bahagikan. akhirah and dunya. jangan focus pada dunya saja sampaikan akhirah dilupakan. Tak berkat la the things we do in dunya. Allah dah bagi kita enough time. It's is up to us to use it wisely.
:)
PBLmates
Handball
PBL mates in "CSL session"
apa ni?
"Amsep Malaysia-Phillipene
Thursday, March 26, 2015
Mistake. It's a learning process
It doesn't matter if you've done a million good things, but when only once you do something wrong, you're seen as a bad person forever.
It's hard to satisfy and nothing will ever be enough
But we're humans. You. Me. We try our best but we'll make mistakes, It's the matter of forgiving and acceptance. and learning. Because making mistakes is the best teachers.
When you succeed,
you earn something,
when you fail,
you learn something
you need both
STEP BY STEP
There is no elevator to succe, it'snot gonna be easy. But it will be worth it in the end
Be patient, learn to forgive.
It's hard to satisfy and nothing will ever be enough
But we're humans. You. Me. We try our best but we'll make mistakes, It's the matter of forgiving and acceptance. and learning. Because making mistakes is the best teachers.
When you succeed,
you earn something,
when you fail,
you learn something
you need both
STEP BY STEP
There is no elevator to succe, it'snot gonna be easy. But it will be worth it in the end
Be patient, learn to forgive.
Monday, August 25, 2014
reality check to myself, do good without expecting anything in return :)
K K K
hajat habis tahun 1 haritu nak active balik berbloggin. tapi tapi. satu post pun tak dok. hampehh. konon je semangat banyak topic dah ada dalam kepala nak blog. sampai ke rumah, haihh berhabuk laptopnya. Last-last tinggal berapa hari je nak masuk UKM. Isnin ni masuk balik la kita. back to reality. back to medic student life. byebye housewife life. ehhh
Sooo cuti ni aku banyak luangkan masa sorang2. duduk rumah sorang2. ye lah housewife kan. haritu duduk kelantan seminggu sorang2. tunggu kul 5 ptg baru ayah balik. so i've been thinking a lot. a lot . a lot . about me. about life. about future. about the ummah. about whats happening around me. about what it means. about family. banyak la. kusut minda fikirkan sampai tumbuh jerawat tak hilang-hilang. hm tak dok kerja lain ka? i dont know.
HAHA
So ive been thinking lately. aku suka bagi hadiah present kat kawan-kawan, banyak dah aku spend sebab beli hadiah untuk dorang. kalau tak aku beli cake ke. kalau tak aku akan bagi wish panjang-panjang. atau siap buat collage gambar centu. sebab aku nak tunjuk appreciation. appreciate them for being my friend. because i feel everyone deserves to feel appreciated.
hmm. aku pun kalau ada apa-apa program kawan ajak aku join je. atau ada kawan tengah cari orang pun aku join je. sebab apa aku tau susah nak cari orang nak join program-program ni. ingat orang suka ke? niat aku nak senangkan dorang. and bagi dorang support. salah ke? sampaikan ada sekali tu, dua kawan ajak aku masuk satu program ni. so aku join aje la. but then dorang dua-dua drop out from that program. tinggal aku sorang je. dorang dah kena marah dah tu. tak kan aku nak drop out juga sebabkan kawan je. nanti lagi banyak susahkan commitee. tak ke? last-last aku join program tu takde kawan pun. tapi dapat gain experience and get to know new people la. tak rugi apa pun. setakat duit je. sebab kena bayar la kan. hmm its okay la. *pujuk hati*
ada someone cakap kat aku aku ni beriya. hmmm. bukan nak cakap tak perasan yang selama ni aku memang beriya atau "shock sendiri". tapi thats not a great way to put it. so yeah memang aku beriya. hmm.
contoh macam masa cuti. kan tak jumpa kawan-kawan. and sekarang dah masuk uni. tak jumpa sangat kawan-kawan dari sekolah menengah. so i took all the effort untuk contact dorang tanya apa khabar semua semua tu. call dorang bila aku ada free call. or text dorang bila ada free time. and arrange perjumpaan beramai-ramai. kalau tak, lepak-lepak dengan siapa-siapa yang ada je. selalunya kerja aku la tu. sampaikan aku buat bbq untuk classmates aku. and i went milestones u know. nak masak . amik dorang . takpa aku sanggup. selalunya aku mula dulu.
and kalau ada event-event alumni sekolah, atau kawan-kawan ada buat majlis ke apa. aku pergi. kalau aku dijemput aku akan pergi. i'll go throught the milestones. kalau tak, aku at least aku ada terfikir nak pergi. tapi rationally memang tak dapat la pegi kalau malam-malam kan. sebab apa. tu lah. kalau dah orang ajak and kebetulan tak ada yang menghalang, why not. aku tak nak susah kan kawan untuk cari orang lain sedangkan aku free je. sebolehnya aku nak senangkan kawan-kawan aku. aku nak support dorang.
beriya ? ya memang beriya.
bukan nak mengungkit. but just terfikir.
have anyone done anything for me?
ayat yang aku selalu ulang untuk sedapkan hati ialah
"kita lakukan kebaikan kerana Allah swt. bukan kerana manusia. Biar lah manusia tak nampak. asalkan Allah swt nampak. janji ikhlas kita tolong orang, buat baik kat orang kerana Allah swt"
nak pujuk hati. aku ulang. tak pe ain, kau buat ni bukan untuk orang. kau buat ni untuk Allah swt. dalam membuat kebaikan jangan expect pembalasan. sebab pembalasan Allah swt tu lagi hebat
beriya? tak nafikan. sebelum ni just tak penah terfikir perkataan "beriya" tu. until ada orang cakap kat aku. tak sangka plak sampai ke dia pun boleh perasan beriyanya aku. orang yang baru kenal aku. then i guess memang aku macam tu la kot.
no, i never really get a "ain apa khabar lama tak dengar cerita" message daripada kawan-kawan lama macam aku selalu buat (used to though) . never really got a surprised phone call macam aku selalu buat (used to). rarely even get birthday present.
I treasure really dearly treasure kalau ada. ada tu memang ada. takde lah takde lifenya aku sampai takde. haha. takde lah. ada je.
bukan nak kata kesian kat aku. but thats just how i am. mana lah aku tau baik-baik dengan orang tak kan sampai ke mana pun. i dont know. i guess im just someone that comes into someones life be friends, and not make a mark. and when im gone, gone lah. walau macam mana pun aku cuba, people just dont remember me as how i remember them.
i was just taught to be nice. be good to people. show appreciation to people. guess thats not the way ?
tapi tu lah ceritanya.
hajat habis tahun 1 haritu nak active balik berbloggin. tapi tapi. satu post pun tak dok. hampehh. konon je semangat banyak topic dah ada dalam kepala nak blog. sampai ke rumah, haihh berhabuk laptopnya. Last-last tinggal berapa hari je nak masuk UKM. Isnin ni masuk balik la kita. back to reality. back to medic student life. byebye housewife life. ehhh
Sooo cuti ni aku banyak luangkan masa sorang2. duduk rumah sorang2. ye lah housewife kan. haritu duduk kelantan seminggu sorang2. tunggu kul 5 ptg baru ayah balik. so i've been thinking a lot. a lot . a lot . about me. about life. about future. about the ummah. about whats happening around me. about what it means. about family. banyak la. kusut minda fikirkan sampai tumbuh jerawat tak hilang-hilang. hm tak dok kerja lain ka? i dont know.
HAHA
So ive been thinking lately. aku suka bagi hadiah present kat kawan-kawan, banyak dah aku spend sebab beli hadiah untuk dorang. kalau tak aku beli cake ke. kalau tak aku akan bagi wish panjang-panjang. atau siap buat collage gambar centu. sebab aku nak tunjuk appreciation. appreciate them for being my friend. because i feel everyone deserves to feel appreciated.
hmm. aku pun kalau ada apa-apa program kawan ajak aku join je. atau ada kawan tengah cari orang pun aku join je. sebab apa aku tau susah nak cari orang nak join program-program ni. ingat orang suka ke? niat aku nak senangkan dorang. and bagi dorang support. salah ke? sampaikan ada sekali tu, dua kawan ajak aku masuk satu program ni. so aku join aje la. but then dorang dua-dua drop out from that program. tinggal aku sorang je. dorang dah kena marah dah tu. tak kan aku nak drop out juga sebabkan kawan je. nanti lagi banyak susahkan commitee. tak ke? last-last aku join program tu takde kawan pun. tapi dapat gain experience and get to know new people la. tak rugi apa pun. setakat duit je. sebab kena bayar la kan. hmm its okay la. *pujuk hati*
ada someone cakap kat aku aku ni beriya. hmmm. bukan nak cakap tak perasan yang selama ni aku memang beriya atau "shock sendiri". tapi thats not a great way to put it. so yeah memang aku beriya. hmm.
contoh macam masa cuti. kan tak jumpa kawan-kawan. and sekarang dah masuk uni. tak jumpa sangat kawan-kawan dari sekolah menengah. so i took all the effort untuk contact dorang tanya apa khabar semua semua tu. call dorang bila aku ada free call. or text dorang bila ada free time. and arrange perjumpaan beramai-ramai. kalau tak, lepak-lepak dengan siapa-siapa yang ada je. selalunya kerja aku la tu. sampaikan aku buat bbq untuk classmates aku. and i went milestones u know. nak masak . amik dorang . takpa aku sanggup. selalunya aku mula dulu.
and kalau ada event-event alumni sekolah, atau kawan-kawan ada buat majlis ke apa. aku pergi. kalau aku dijemput aku akan pergi. i'll go throught the milestones. kalau tak, aku at least aku ada terfikir nak pergi. tapi rationally memang tak dapat la pegi kalau malam-malam kan. sebab apa. tu lah. kalau dah orang ajak and kebetulan tak ada yang menghalang, why not. aku tak nak susah kan kawan untuk cari orang lain sedangkan aku free je. sebolehnya aku nak senangkan kawan-kawan aku. aku nak support dorang.
beriya ? ya memang beriya.
bukan nak mengungkit. but just terfikir.
have anyone done anything for me?
ayat yang aku selalu ulang untuk sedapkan hati ialah
"kita lakukan kebaikan kerana Allah swt. bukan kerana manusia. Biar lah manusia tak nampak. asalkan Allah swt nampak. janji ikhlas kita tolong orang, buat baik kat orang kerana Allah swt"
nak pujuk hati. aku ulang. tak pe ain, kau buat ni bukan untuk orang. kau buat ni untuk Allah swt. dalam membuat kebaikan jangan expect pembalasan. sebab pembalasan Allah swt tu lagi hebat
beriya? tak nafikan. sebelum ni just tak penah terfikir perkataan "beriya" tu. until ada orang cakap kat aku. tak sangka plak sampai ke dia pun boleh perasan beriyanya aku. orang yang baru kenal aku. then i guess memang aku macam tu la kot.
no, i never really get a "ain apa khabar lama tak dengar cerita" message daripada kawan-kawan lama macam aku selalu buat (used to though) . never really got a surprised phone call macam aku selalu buat (used to). rarely even get birthday present.
I treasure really dearly treasure kalau ada. ada tu memang ada. takde lah takde lifenya aku sampai takde. haha. takde lah. ada je.
bukan nak kata kesian kat aku. but thats just how i am. mana lah aku tau baik-baik dengan orang tak kan sampai ke mana pun. i dont know. i guess im just someone that comes into someones life be friends, and not make a mark. and when im gone, gone lah. walau macam mana pun aku cuba, people just dont remember me as how i remember them.
i was just taught to be nice. be good to people. show appreciation to people. guess thats not the way ?
tapi tu lah ceritanya.
Sunday, August 10, 2014
Ingat, supaya kau rasa bersyukur
Apabila kau rasa gembira dan bahagia,
kau ingtlah pada suatu ketika Allah SWT
yang telah bankitkan kau bila kau rebah,
Dia lah yang tunjukkan kau jalan bila kau hilang arah,
Dialah yang bagi kau peluang bila kau rasa takde erti hidup,
Dia lah yang beri kau hidayah bila kau asyik dalam jahiliyah.
Ingatlah, supaya kau rasa bersyukur
Maka nikmat Tuhanmu yang manakah kamu dustakan?
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
The Munafiqun and Ummah of the final era.
A khutbah at UIA by Ustad Nouman when he was here. A 30 MINUTES WORTH OF WATCHING. Very MIND OPENING. [ Search The Munafiqs (hypocrites) - Nouman Ali Khan ] We can truly understand the ummah that we are SUPPOSED to be like, as what is told in the Al Quran. But sadly we are NOT. And how in surah Al Baqarah there's a long long long story about Bani Israel. but we don't bother to understand it. Have you ever wonder why the kiblat was changed from Al Aqsa which is in Jerusalem to Makkah? The Bani Israel. Its not like they don't believe in Allah. they are people with knowledge. They have a lot of knowledge. They know. But they chose not to believe. And thats the munafiqs. Allah USED to honor the bani israel. But because they chose to disbelieve, Allah disqualifies them. and make a NEW UMMAH (which is us, hence the change of kiblat). They know or they say they believe but they really don't. And sadly to see. It's kind of whats happening now. Don't you think?
Like people are Islam on their identification card, and they say they believe in Allah, they are Islam, on facebook on twitter on instagram. But do they really manifest it? Do do they act like it? Do they really act like people who are Islam? We are SUPPOSED to take the story of Bani Israel in surah Al Baqarah as a LIFE LESSON. To NOT BE LIKE THEM. But yet we are kind of heading towards the way that they were........... Prophet Muhammad SAW would be very DISAPPOINTED TO SEE THE UMMAH IT IS NOW. After so much he has done for us..
and the month of RAMADHAN. the holy month. its our independence month. This month is not only about doing Ibadah, fasting, reciting the Quran. It's also a month where are SUPPOSED to be refreshed as an UMMAH of Islam.. Change the way we think. Reflect back on ourselves. Be a good muslim. Repair our akhlak. But DO WE REALLY?
Especially after seeing that VIRAL VIDEO OF THAT CAR ACCIDENT. it really makes sense. Yeah what that girl did was wrong. Yeah it was so no right . especially in bulan Ramadhan (same goes with every other month, it'll still be wrong) but what the people commented about her??? Yeah sure she put a shame on the Islam community. But bashing her, talking smack about her, stalk her, and say bad things about her, and have intentions of doing bad things to her. REALLY DOESN'T MAKE YOU THE BETTER PERSON. We should be a united UMMAH. what she did was wrong so give advice to her nicely so she can learn from it. not making it viral so the whole Malaysia can see. Bangga ke ada orang memalukan Islam?? Ye kita malu sebab dia memalukan islam but YET WE SHARE IT SO EVERY MALAYSIAN CAN SEE? kata bulan Ramadhan kena buat baik.. banyak bersabar.. but SHARING it will make other lose their SABR. and SHARING it make other people talk smalk about her. It's not doing any good. if we SHARE it we are actually creating sins for other people. Don't you think???
Just let it be as a lesson to not be like that. and enough. I think everybody can think for themselves. We don't have to be detectives and stalk dia sampai nak buat jahat kat dia. What she did put a shame on Islam (from the comments I've read). But what WE are doing is just puting more shame.
WAKE UP people... Jom lah jadi ummah yang Rasulullah SAW nak kita jadi. Jom lah jadi ummah seperti ditulis dalam Al Quran. Jom lah jadi UMMATAN WASATAN. An ummah of balance. An ummah of moderation. An Ummah of justice. In which the Ummah have both the KNOWLEDGE and ACT upon it. not only have the knowledge.
Walahualam...
Na'uzubillahiminzalik. may Allah forbid us from being in the Munafiqs...
Like people are Islam on their identification card, and they say they believe in Allah, they are Islam, on facebook on twitter on instagram. But do they really manifest it? Do do they act like it? Do they really act like people who are Islam? We are SUPPOSED to take the story of Bani Israel in surah Al Baqarah as a LIFE LESSON. To NOT BE LIKE THEM. But yet we are kind of heading towards the way that they were........... Prophet Muhammad SAW would be very DISAPPOINTED TO SEE THE UMMAH IT IS NOW. After so much he has done for us..
and the month of RAMADHAN. the holy month. its our independence month. This month is not only about doing Ibadah, fasting, reciting the Quran. It's also a month where are SUPPOSED to be refreshed as an UMMAH of Islam.. Change the way we think. Reflect back on ourselves. Be a good muslim. Repair our akhlak. But DO WE REALLY?
Especially after seeing that VIRAL VIDEO OF THAT CAR ACCIDENT. it really makes sense. Yeah what that girl did was wrong. Yeah it was so no right . especially in bulan Ramadhan (same goes with every other month, it'll still be wrong) but what the people commented about her??? Yeah sure she put a shame on the Islam community. But bashing her, talking smack about her, stalk her, and say bad things about her, and have intentions of doing bad things to her. REALLY DOESN'T MAKE YOU THE BETTER PERSON. We should be a united UMMAH. what she did was wrong so give advice to her nicely so she can learn from it. not making it viral so the whole Malaysia can see. Bangga ke ada orang memalukan Islam?? Ye kita malu sebab dia memalukan islam but YET WE SHARE IT SO EVERY MALAYSIAN CAN SEE? kata bulan Ramadhan kena buat baik.. banyak bersabar.. but SHARING it will make other lose their SABR. and SHARING it make other people talk smalk about her. It's not doing any good. if we SHARE it we are actually creating sins for other people. Don't you think???
Just let it be as a lesson to not be like that. and enough. I think everybody can think for themselves. We don't have to be detectives and stalk dia sampai nak buat jahat kat dia. What she did put a shame on Islam (from the comments I've read). But what WE are doing is just puting more shame.
WAKE UP people... Jom lah jadi ummah yang Rasulullah SAW nak kita jadi. Jom lah jadi ummah seperti ditulis dalam Al Quran. Jom lah jadi UMMATAN WASATAN. An ummah of balance. An ummah of moderation. An Ummah of justice. In which the Ummah have both the KNOWLEDGE and ACT upon it. not only have the knowledge.
Walahualam...
Na'uzubillahiminzalik. may Allah forbid us from being in the Munafiqs...
Friday, April 18, 2014
Never leave that till tomorrow which you can do today
Alhamdulillah, I'm in my mid 2nd semester break. Just a little more then I'll be done with first year. Time moves so fast huh. Tup tap tup tap. Wow dah nak habis first year dah?
I've been super duper busy I didn't even keep tract of the time. Sedar-sedar dah mid April. So busy with all these programs. Alhamdulillah Light Up Autism, my first charity run, was a success. Managing participants' registration and race kits ain't easy. especially when there's almost 2000 participants. Getting calls and messages, reply emails late at night. But it's my amanah. and Alhamdulillah we got great feedbacks from the participants. First program. Great experiences. Grew a lot.
Jalinan Siswa Maximus pun done. I had a great time and met new people. yang sebelum ni tak kenal pun senior 2nd year medic. (Medic students duduk bawah tempurung lah katakan, seniors pun kita tak kenal. eheh) Tapi, time macam ni lah kita ambil peluang untuk kenal senior-senior kita.
But actually there's a lot more programs to come. Responsibilities to handle. Tasks to carry out. InsyaAllah with my niat to help people, to become a better person and to learn, Allah will ease this journey for me and those around me.
I do complain sometimes saying there's just so many things to do, stacks and stacks of load work to finish. With all the program things and meetings, I couldn't even find time to study. But I learned that if I think negative, thinking that I can't finish it, then I really can't finish it. But when I change my mindset and think more positive, be confident that I can finish all these, then I really can even though the piles of work just keep on stacking. Just take a deep breath and say "I'm getting these things done". set a goal. to finish up today or tomorrow or by next week. be determined and take it seriously.
Being a medic student, I learned that there is no more time for playing around. I sacrificed my movies, my sitcoms, my books, my guitar, my songs, my gossips and all these entertainment. Because I know they are the reasons for procrastination. When you watch one episode, you'll want to watch another, and then another. and tup tap tup tap. it's the middle of the night and you didn't even touch your PBL or MES. See what I mean.
Memang la orang akan kata, tak kan lah nak serious study atau buat kerja je 24/7. Well in my opinion, if being like that get things done and I won't be stressing out at the last minute. Then it's fine by me. I mean kalau main-main selalu and all these work load is put on hold until the last minute. kita procrastinate. asik procrastinate. That's the reason why we get stressed out. Think about it. if we finish our work and tasks early, then it doesn't harm you to treat yourself with a little movie night. At least you'll watch it with a peaceful mind not thinking about any work you have to do. You know what people say, Work now, play later.
HAHAHA actually I haven't really been like this since being a medical student. I always procrastinate and have to finish things at the last minute. and I got soooooooo stressssed out. But yeah I learned from that. and I don't want to do that anymore. I changed my routine and it got better for me. I changed my mindset, I became more serious (eheheh ye laa), takde la, when it comes to work la. Kena pandai-pandai la fikir bila masa terbaik untuk kita relax and chill. Kerja tu kerja. main bila kerja dah siap.
This post tercetus apabila tengah ulang kaji infection and immunity untuk End Of Module test naik cuti nanti. Serious banyak gila virus, bacteria, parasites, kena hafal. Serious tak tipu. Mechanism, morphology, site of latency dah segala bagai. Penyakit apa. Antibiotics dan mechanism. menimbun. Mula-mula rasa macam OMG Biar betikkk nak kena hafal semua niiii. Aku macam tak percaya orang lain siap boleh pergi bercuti and relax lagi. bijaknya dorang ni! How can they do that can. teach meeee. tapi aku tak nak ikut orang. dorang nak bercuti bior la. Aku tau aku tak kan siap study kalau aku buat macam tu. so I dedicate my one week of mid sem break as one study week. eheheheh :3 Tak kesah. >.< serious niiiiiiiiiii
Totally lost the real objective of this post. Melencong tah kemana. siap kena tukar tajuk. Because it wasn't originally what I wanted to write about. Ehehehehh.
baca lah post ni ain in the future. semoga ia dapat beri semangat.
Tapiiii INGAT. lakukan la semua ni dengan niat Lillahitaala ^.^
Doctor-to-be , InsyaAllah
Assalamualaikum. byebye
I've been super duper busy I didn't even keep tract of the time. Sedar-sedar dah mid April. So busy with all these programs. Alhamdulillah Light Up Autism, my first charity run, was a success. Managing participants' registration and race kits ain't easy. especially when there's almost 2000 participants. Getting calls and messages, reply emails late at night. But it's my amanah. and Alhamdulillah we got great feedbacks from the participants. First program. Great experiences. Grew a lot.
Jalinan Siswa Maximus pun done. I had a great time and met new people. yang sebelum ni tak kenal pun senior 2nd year medic. (Medic students duduk bawah tempurung lah katakan, seniors pun kita tak kenal. eheh) Tapi, time macam ni lah kita ambil peluang untuk kenal senior-senior kita.
But actually there's a lot more programs to come. Responsibilities to handle. Tasks to carry out. InsyaAllah with my niat to help people, to become a better person and to learn, Allah will ease this journey for me and those around me.
I do complain sometimes saying there's just so many things to do, stacks and stacks of load work to finish. With all the program things and meetings, I couldn't even find time to study. But I learned that if I think negative, thinking that I can't finish it, then I really can't finish it. But when I change my mindset and think more positive, be confident that I can finish all these, then I really can even though the piles of work just keep on stacking. Just take a deep breath and say "I'm getting these things done". set a goal. to finish up today or tomorrow or by next week. be determined and take it seriously.
Memang la orang akan kata, tak kan lah nak serious study atau buat kerja je 24/7. Well in my opinion, if being like that get things done and I won't be stressing out at the last minute. Then it's fine by me. I mean kalau main-main selalu and all these work load is put on hold until the last minute. kita procrastinate. asik procrastinate. That's the reason why we get stressed out. Think about it. if we finish our work and tasks early, then it doesn't harm you to treat yourself with a little movie night. At least you'll watch it with a peaceful mind not thinking about any work you have to do. You know what people say, Work now, play later.
HAHAHA actually I haven't really been like this since being a medical student. I always procrastinate and have to finish things at the last minute. and I got soooooooo stressssed out. But yeah I learned from that. and I don't want to do that anymore. I changed my routine and it got better for me. I changed my mindset, I became more serious (eheheh ye laa), takde la, when it comes to work la. Kena pandai-pandai la fikir bila masa terbaik untuk kita relax and chill. Kerja tu kerja. main bila kerja dah siap.
This post tercetus apabila tengah ulang kaji infection and immunity untuk End Of Module test naik cuti nanti. Serious banyak gila virus, bacteria, parasites, kena hafal. Serious tak tipu. Mechanism, morphology, site of latency dah segala bagai. Penyakit apa. Antibiotics dan mechanism. menimbun. Mula-mula rasa macam OMG Biar betikkk nak kena hafal semua niiii. Aku macam tak percaya orang lain siap boleh pergi bercuti and relax lagi. bijaknya dorang ni! How can they do that can. teach meeee. tapi aku tak nak ikut orang. dorang nak bercuti bior la. Aku tau aku tak kan siap study kalau aku buat macam tu. so I dedicate my one week of mid sem break as one study week. eheheheh :3 Tak kesah. >.< serious niiiiiiiiiii
Totally lost the real objective of this post. Melencong tah kemana. siap kena tukar tajuk. Because it wasn't originally what I wanted to write about. Ehehehehh.
baca lah post ni ain in the future. semoga ia dapat beri semangat.
Tapiiii INGAT. lakukan la semua ni dengan niat Lillahitaala ^.^
Doctor-to-be , InsyaAllah
Assalamualaikum. byebye
Thursday, February 27, 2014
One year of a great CHANGE
Assalamualaikum girls that I love because of Allah swt..
Today is 27 Februari 2014.
I don't remember the exact date, but lebih kurang time cam ni la. last year... if you girls still remember. can u recall?
Syera, Izzah, and Hanis. If u girls remember..
Last year, waktu dekat Pusat Permata Pintar Negara, me and Hanis were doing our own things in our room. homework, assignment ke apa. tiba-tiba syera and izzah ajak datang bilik for a "so called meeting". whats that about kan?
Bila dah sampai bilik korang, korang ajak duduk. "why so serious??" Eheheh. I'm like. apa hal ni???
Ada plan.... resolution katanya.........
So izzah and syera pulled out a drawer filled with tudung bawal bidang 45. neatly folded. all of their tudung bawal. the tudung we bought together at Kolej Za'ba. The tudung we bought together at Jalan TAR, Tudung kangaroo, tudung 2 and 3 tone. all.
Then izzah closed the door and showed us tudung that are neatly hunged on a hanger at the back of the door. Different tudung. tudung I haven't seem them wear. tudung I don't even own. Tudung bidang 50 and 60.
izzah and syera asked me and hanis to join their resolution. Which is, to keep our tudung 45' folded and somewhere else. take out only tudung bidang 50 and 60 (pada masa tu, i only have 1 tudung bidang 50). shawls pun dibenarkan, tapi kena labuh! start wearing socks full time! Start wearing hand socks when necessary and appropriate. mula pakai inner neck bila pakai tudung yang jarang. So, we had to stay with our resolution for 40 DAYS! after that 40 days, its up to us whether we want to continue or not. but we have to promise ourselves that we'll stick to this plan for 40 days.
Me and Hanis, after going through usrah and all. we have actually been thinking about it you know. I started to read more Islamic motivational books suggested by my roomate Hanis herself. I started watching Islamic motivational videos by Ustadh Nouman Ali Khan who was recommended by Izzah herself.
memang nak, niat tu memang ada. but I never really had the drive to physically change u know my appearance. and show it to everyone. friends and family. hmm. ye lah takut. what people would think at say about me.
but me and hanis Agreed!
Throughout the whole year, I bought new tudung bidang 50, I bought lots of hands socks, I bought lots of socks. I bought baju muslimah. I bought jubahs. I bought slacks. I bought skirts. I totally changed my wardrobe. I changed my playlist to lots of nasyid songs. hehehehe. (waktu tu kaya sebab dapat duit semasa kerja and duit KPT. LOL.. akibatnya miskin sekarang hehe)
I'm so grateful that I have friends that I can experience and go through this journey together. you know. change. a good change. At least I won't be the odd one out. or appear shockingly different to people. Or feel weird. We went through this change together. At least we felt weird together. At least we still have each other's back. At least we still have each other for motivation. We wanted to become better people. better muslims. Together..
HAPPY ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY TO THE NEW US.
Alhamdulillah. it has been one year. Alhamdulillah, I held on even longer than 40 days. Alhamdulillah I made that change. Alhamdulillah I met you guys. Alhamdulillah you guys asked me to tag along on your hijrahs.
Girls, thank you. Thank you so much. for teaching me. and for supporting me. and giving me motivations. Ya Allah, I don't know how to express it. Jujur, memang macam roller coaster, going through this journey. macam-macam emotions running here and there. Penah je ada masa rasa macam nak quit and go back to my old self. but you girls pushed me forward.
I don't know what I would be like now if I haven't met you girls. Thank you
I love you girls. because of Allah. Thank you Allah. for overlapping our tracks. at one point we meet. Your great plans, Allah. Alhamdulillah.
Cari lah kawan-kawan yang boleh dekatkan diri kita kepada Allah. Inilah dikatakan ukhuwahfillah abadan abada.
We may be far apart now. We may not talk as often as we used to. but just to let u girls know. I will always remember you
Things do happen for a reason. and put faith in Allah, that it's the best for you.
I love you girls
Assalamualaikum
The journey is still a long way down but insyAllah, together we'll bear.
*oh my. rojak gila bahasa. well yeah that is me. seriously i do talk like this. please don't mind the language*
Today is 27 Februari 2014.
I don't remember the exact date, but lebih kurang time cam ni la. last year... if you girls still remember. can u recall?
Syera, Izzah, and Hanis. If u girls remember..
Last year, waktu dekat Pusat Permata Pintar Negara, me and Hanis were doing our own things in our room. homework, assignment ke apa. tiba-tiba syera and izzah ajak datang bilik for a "so called meeting". whats that about kan?
Bila dah sampai bilik korang, korang ajak duduk. "why so serious??" Eheheh. I'm like. apa hal ni???
Ada plan.... resolution katanya.........
So izzah and syera pulled out a drawer filled with tudung bawal bidang 45. neatly folded. all of their tudung bawal. the tudung we bought together at Kolej Za'ba. The tudung we bought together at Jalan TAR, Tudung kangaroo, tudung 2 and 3 tone. all.
Then izzah closed the door and showed us tudung that are neatly hunged on a hanger at the back of the door. Different tudung. tudung I haven't seem them wear. tudung I don't even own. Tudung bidang 50 and 60.
izzah and syera asked me and hanis to join their resolution. Which is, to keep our tudung 45' folded and somewhere else. take out only tudung bidang 50 and 60 (pada masa tu, i only have 1 tudung bidang 50). shawls pun dibenarkan, tapi kena labuh! start wearing socks full time! Start wearing hand socks when necessary and appropriate. mula pakai inner neck bila pakai tudung yang jarang. So, we had to stay with our resolution for 40 DAYS! after that 40 days, its up to us whether we want to continue or not. but we have to promise ourselves that we'll stick to this plan for 40 days.
Me and Hanis, after going through usrah and all. we have actually been thinking about it you know. I started to read more Islamic motivational books suggested by my roomate Hanis herself. I started watching Islamic motivational videos by Ustadh Nouman Ali Khan who was recommended by Izzah herself.
memang nak, niat tu memang ada. but I never really had the drive to physically change u know my appearance. and show it to everyone. friends and family. hmm. ye lah takut. what people would think at say about me.
but me and hanis Agreed!
Throughout the whole year, I bought new tudung bidang 50, I bought lots of hands socks, I bought lots of socks. I bought baju muslimah. I bought jubahs. I bought slacks. I bought skirts. I totally changed my wardrobe. I changed my playlist to lots of nasyid songs. hehehehe. (waktu tu kaya sebab dapat duit semasa kerja and duit KPT. LOL.. akibatnya miskin sekarang hehe)
I'm so grateful that I have friends that I can experience and go through this journey together. you know. change. a good change. At least I won't be the odd one out. or appear shockingly different to people. Or feel weird. We went through this change together. At least we felt weird together. At least we still have each other's back. At least we still have each other for motivation. We wanted to become better people. better muslims. Together..
HAPPY ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY TO THE NEW US.
Alhamdulillah. it has been one year. Alhamdulillah, I held on even longer than 40 days. Alhamdulillah I made that change. Alhamdulillah I met you guys. Alhamdulillah you guys asked me to tag along on your hijrahs.
Girls, thank you. Thank you so much. for teaching me. and for supporting me. and giving me motivations. Ya Allah, I don't know how to express it. Jujur, memang macam roller coaster, going through this journey. macam-macam emotions running here and there. Penah je ada masa rasa macam nak quit and go back to my old self. but you girls pushed me forward.
I don't know what I would be like now if I haven't met you girls. Thank you
I love you girls. because of Allah. Thank you Allah. for overlapping our tracks. at one point we meet. Your great plans, Allah. Alhamdulillah.
Cari lah kawan-kawan yang boleh dekatkan diri kita kepada Allah. Inilah dikatakan ukhuwahfillah abadan abada.
We may be far apart now. We may not talk as often as we used to. but just to let u girls know. I will always remember you
Things do happen for a reason. and put faith in Allah, that it's the best for you.
I love you girls
Assalamualaikum
The journey is still a long way down but insyAllah, together we'll bear.
*oh my. rojak gila bahasa. well yeah that is me. seriously i do talk like this. please don't mind the language*
Monday, February 3, 2014
If you want something. you work hard for it
Bersyukurlah dengan apa yang ada. Just be grateful.
Ayah aku penah cakap. "apa yang ayah boleh bagi ayah bagi. ayah bagi yang apa ayah mampu. ayah minta maaf lah ayah tak dapat bagi korang setiap satu bilik. ayah minta maaf la ayah tak dapat bagi rumah besar skit. ayah minta maaf lah ayah tak dapat bagi handphone canggih. tapi ni yang ayah mampu. insyaAllah kalau ada rezeki pada masa depan. nanti ayah buatkan rumah besar skit."
Sebak.
Sebab aku selalu sangat merungut pasal aku tak ada bilik sendiri. aku tak ada tempat letak barang keperluan peribadi. Barang aku mesti atas tangga, dalam bakul, atas lantai, dalam kotak. Aku penah ada bilik sendiri. tapi sejak kakak balik, dia dah jadi bilik tu macam bilik dia. walaupun dia ada rumah sewa, tapi barang-barang dia masih banyak kat sini. well dia kakak. and bilik tu memang kecik pun untuk dua orang. so aku back off. lagi pun barang aku tak banyak. and aku duduk kat asrama sejak form 4. dan jarang lah ada kat rumah. tapi waktu ada kat rumah tu lah, waktu cuti lah kan, waktu tu lah aku stress depressed broken down. sebab aku tak tau nak letak barang kat mana. aku tak tau nak tido kat mana. aku tak tau nak lepak kat mana dan aku meruuuuungutttt je sebab aku takde bilik.
Aku pun tak sedar, yang ayah aku ada tambah satu bilik untuk aku. bilik yang used to be a store dah jadi a good condition bilik la. tapi aku merungut jugak. sebab bilik tu masih dijadikan store, dan tempat letak baju yang dah jemur tunggu lipat je. bilik simpan barang macam2. bilik simpan barang dapur pun ada. tapi ada je katil untuk aku tidur. ada je closet untuk letak baju. tapi aku merungut jugak.
Aku tak sedar, yang ayah nak bagi aku. ayah aku bagi apa yang dia mampu. tapi ini semua tak cukup untuk aku? Astaghfirullahalazim. Tak bersyukurnya aku. Ayah aku dah bagi yang terbaik dan mencukupi tapi aku masih minta lebih? Ayah aku dah bagi aku rumah untuk aku berlindung, ayah aku dah bagi baju untuk aku pakai. ayah aku dah bagi makanan untuk aku hidup. Dan aku masih merungut?
Astaghfirullahalazim
And I call myself muslim. and I expect to enter Jannah ? But being grateful is the last thing I am?
Sebak. Menangis. Baru aku sedar bila ayah aku cakap macam tu.
Bersyukurlah.
Ibu bapa sayang kan kita. Mereka akan bagi yang terbaik untuk kita. Mereka akan bagi apa yang mereka mampu. Just be grateful for what they can give us. Don't ask for more.
Kadang-kadang tu. aku sedih jugak tengok kawankawan guna handphone canggih kan. katanya hadiah dari parents. Pakai baju cecantik. kasut memahal. bag lelawa. aku apa yang ada? handphone android paling murah dan paling kecik. tu pun guna duit gaji sendiri. kasut nike tersayang the one and only branded shoes. tu pun guna duit gaji. Dapat straight A's PMR, dapat stratight A's SPM tapi tak dapat hadiah yang gempak pun macam orang lain. But I am grateful yang ayah aku tak bagi lebih daripada yang dia mampu. sebab dia telah mengajar aku untuk be independent. Not always depending on things. Not be depending on people. and not be materialistic. There's so many things that I've learned through out the process. I'm only 20 but I've helped my mom clean a hotel as a maid, helped my parents pick up cans and tins to recycle, babysit my little brother and sister, worked as a customer service in MPH, become a substitue 3rd grade English teacher, become a tutor in Kumon tuition center, helped out at a baby daycare. Basically I grew up in an environment where if you want something. You go work hard for it. and so yeah I did.
macam mana kita nak senang kalau kita tak tau apa itu susah?
Bersyukurlah dengan apa yang kita ada. apa yang telah diberi oleh ibubapa. dengan paras rupa yang telah dicipta oleh Allah swt. Bersyukurlah.
No more merungut from me.
All I want from my parents is their du'a. To pray for me to become a successful person. in dunya and akhirah. To pray for me that I don't go astray. To pray for my path to become a doctor is at ease. To pray for me to have a good husband. To pray for me to have a good life and good health.
Ayah penah cakap "Ayah dulu susah. Ayah tau kehidupan susah macam mana. Ayah tak nak lah bagi anak-anak ayah kehidupan macam tu jugak"
Thank you ayah for caring for us. and loving us dearly. All dad will always want to see their children be successful.
Ya Allah, Forgive me and my parents. and love them as they loved me
Ayah aku penah cakap. "apa yang ayah boleh bagi ayah bagi. ayah bagi yang apa ayah mampu. ayah minta maaf lah ayah tak dapat bagi korang setiap satu bilik. ayah minta maaf la ayah tak dapat bagi rumah besar skit. ayah minta maaf lah ayah tak dapat bagi handphone canggih. tapi ni yang ayah mampu. insyaAllah kalau ada rezeki pada masa depan. nanti ayah buatkan rumah besar skit."
Sebak.
Sebab aku selalu sangat merungut pasal aku tak ada bilik sendiri. aku tak ada tempat letak barang keperluan peribadi. Barang aku mesti atas tangga, dalam bakul, atas lantai, dalam kotak. Aku penah ada bilik sendiri. tapi sejak kakak balik, dia dah jadi bilik tu macam bilik dia. walaupun dia ada rumah sewa, tapi barang-barang dia masih banyak kat sini. well dia kakak. and bilik tu memang kecik pun untuk dua orang. so aku back off. lagi pun barang aku tak banyak. and aku duduk kat asrama sejak form 4. dan jarang lah ada kat rumah. tapi waktu ada kat rumah tu lah, waktu cuti lah kan, waktu tu lah aku stress depressed broken down. sebab aku tak tau nak letak barang kat mana. aku tak tau nak tido kat mana. aku tak tau nak lepak kat mana dan aku meruuuuungutttt je sebab aku takde bilik.
Aku pun tak sedar, yang ayah aku ada tambah satu bilik untuk aku. bilik yang used to be a store dah jadi a good condition bilik la. tapi aku merungut jugak. sebab bilik tu masih dijadikan store, dan tempat letak baju yang dah jemur tunggu lipat je. bilik simpan barang macam2. bilik simpan barang dapur pun ada. tapi ada je katil untuk aku tidur. ada je closet untuk letak baju. tapi aku merungut jugak.
Aku tak sedar, yang ayah nak bagi aku. ayah aku bagi apa yang dia mampu. tapi ini semua tak cukup untuk aku? Astaghfirullahalazim. Tak bersyukurnya aku. Ayah aku dah bagi yang terbaik dan mencukupi tapi aku masih minta lebih? Ayah aku dah bagi aku rumah untuk aku berlindung, ayah aku dah bagi baju untuk aku pakai. ayah aku dah bagi makanan untuk aku hidup. Dan aku masih merungut?
Astaghfirullahalazim
And I call myself muslim. and I expect to enter Jannah ? But being grateful is the last thing I am?
Sebak. Menangis. Baru aku sedar bila ayah aku cakap macam tu.
Bersyukurlah.
Ibu bapa sayang kan kita. Mereka akan bagi yang terbaik untuk kita. Mereka akan bagi apa yang mereka mampu. Just be grateful for what they can give us. Don't ask for more.
Kadang-kadang tu. aku sedih jugak tengok kawankawan guna handphone canggih kan. katanya hadiah dari parents. Pakai baju cecantik. kasut memahal. bag lelawa. aku apa yang ada? handphone android paling murah dan paling kecik. tu pun guna duit gaji sendiri. kasut nike tersayang the one and only branded shoes. tu pun guna duit gaji. Dapat straight A's PMR, dapat stratight A's SPM tapi tak dapat hadiah yang gempak pun macam orang lain. But I am grateful yang ayah aku tak bagi lebih daripada yang dia mampu. sebab dia telah mengajar aku untuk be independent. Not always depending on things. Not be depending on people. and not be materialistic. There's so many things that I've learned through out the process. I'm only 20 but I've helped my mom clean a hotel as a maid, helped my parents pick up cans and tins to recycle, babysit my little brother and sister, worked as a customer service in MPH, become a substitue 3rd grade English teacher, become a tutor in Kumon tuition center, helped out at a baby daycare. Basically I grew up in an environment where if you want something. You go work hard for it. and so yeah I did.
macam mana kita nak senang kalau kita tak tau apa itu susah?
Bersyukurlah dengan apa yang kita ada. apa yang telah diberi oleh ibubapa. dengan paras rupa yang telah dicipta oleh Allah swt. Bersyukurlah.
No more merungut from me.
All I want from my parents is their du'a. To pray for me to become a successful person. in dunya and akhirah. To pray for me that I don't go astray. To pray for my path to become a doctor is at ease. To pray for me to have a good husband. To pray for me to have a good life and good health.
Ayah penah cakap "Ayah dulu susah. Ayah tau kehidupan susah macam mana. Ayah tak nak lah bagi anak-anak ayah kehidupan macam tu jugak"
Thank you ayah for caring for us. and loving us dearly. All dad will always want to see their children be successful.
Ya Allah, Forgive me and my parents. and love them as they loved me
Post Examination thoughts
Bersungguh-sungguh kan kita study untuk lulus exam? sanggup kita stay up malam-malam sampai lebam mata. bangun awal pagi untuk mengulang kaji. tak nak turun pegi cafe untuk makan. tak nak jumpa kawan-kawan. kita sanggup buat semua tu untuk mencapai keputusan yang cemerlang dalam peperiksaan.. di dunia..
tapi adakah kita bersungguh-sungguh untuk dapat keputusan cemerlang pada hari akhirat? adakah kita bersusah-payah untuk lulus ujian Allah? peperiksaan hujung sem pun baru lepas. so aku terfikir. hmm "I do too little tarbiyah, and too little dakwah, and yet I expect to enter Jannah?" Ayat cover blog Angel Pakai Gucci. ouch ouch ouch ouch.
Hinanya hambuMu ini. aku buat. kau buat. kita buat. But its never late to change. Its never too late to repent. Jangan putus asa mencari Rahmat Allah. Sebab Allah swt yang kata
"Wahai hamba-hambaKu yang telah melampaui batas terhadap diri mereka sendiri (dengan perbuatan-perbuatan maksiat), janganlah kamu berputus asa dari rahmat Allah, kerana sesungguhnya Allah mengampunkan segala dosa sesungguhnya Dialah jua Yang Maha Pengampun, lagi Maha Mengasihani."
(surah az-zumah : 53)
tapi adakah kita bersungguh-sungguh untuk dapat keputusan cemerlang pada hari akhirat? adakah kita bersusah-payah untuk lulus ujian Allah? peperiksaan hujung sem pun baru lepas. so aku terfikir. hmm "I do too little tarbiyah, and too little dakwah, and yet I expect to enter Jannah?" Ayat cover blog Angel Pakai Gucci. ouch ouch ouch ouch.
Hinanya hambuMu ini. aku buat. kau buat. kita buat. But its never late to change. Its never too late to repent. Jangan putus asa mencari Rahmat Allah. Sebab Allah swt yang kata
"Wahai hamba-hambaKu yang telah melampaui batas terhadap diri mereka sendiri (dengan perbuatan-perbuatan maksiat), janganlah kamu berputus asa dari rahmat Allah, kerana sesungguhnya Allah mengampunkan segala dosa sesungguhnya Dialah jua Yang Maha Pengampun, lagi Maha Mengasihani."
(surah az-zumah : 53)
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
The Guy in the Blue Baju Melayu
He came into my dream last night. I was happy to see him. He just stood there. He smiled. He looked around and watched everybody get ready. I suppose it was Raya?
He didn't say a word.
He wore a blue baju melayu completed with buttons and songkok. It looked like it was made out of songket. He was very fashionable and very clean and very handsome. I smiled looking at him because I haven't seen him in a long time
I took out a camera wanting to take a picture of him. to catch this moment. to see be able to always his happy face.
Amirul tried to stop me from taking any pictures. He said "you're not gonna be able to see him in the picture
Before I could do anything. I just snapped one picture.
I looked at the picture in the camera.
of course
He was missing. and when I looked up. He disappeared.
I haven't seen him in my dreams in a while now. 5 months since he breathed the Earth's air.
I really miss him. I really do.
I was so happy I got to see him last night. He looked very handsome as he usually does. Even though it was just a dream. It's better than nothing.
Wait for us in Jannah. insyaAllah. we'll meet again in the life hereafter.
Al-Fatihah buat abang long tersayang <3 ku="" merinduimu="" nbsp="" p="" sangat="">
Sunday, January 5, 2014
Sanah Helwah Ayahanda
HAPPY BIRTHDAY AYAH !
2 Januari 2014 merupakan hari lahir yang ke erm erm erm 56 buat ayahanda tercinta
Alhamdulillah. Allah masih beri peluang kepada ayah untuk terus hidup di atas muka bumiNya. Alhamdulillah. Allah masih beri peluang kepada kita semua untuk bertaubat dan kembali kepada jalan yang benar
Segala isi duka yang terjadi tahun lepas, will still be in 2013. 2013 tahun yang sukar bagi kami sekeluarga, namun ada hikmah sebaliknya. dan aku percaya pada ujian yang Allah beri.
Alhamdulillah. tak terkata.
aku hampir menitiskan air mata apabila ayah aku membacakan doa sempena hari kelahirannya. doa yang Rasulullah penah ucap. Memang tahun 2013 tahun yang sukar. tapi Allah beri pengajarang kepada kita. untuk kita ingat kepadaNya. bertaubat kepadaNya. dan taat kepadaNya. dan ya, itulah yang terjadi kepada keluargaku. tersebak aku memikirkan. Segala puji bagi Allah.
Semoga aku dan keluarga istiqamah dalam penghijrahan ini. Semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat kepada keluargaku. Semoga Allah tempatkan aku dan keluarga dalam Jannah bersama orang yang beriman. Semoga aku dan keluarga dapat pijak tanah bumi anbiya.
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