One year of a great CHANGE

Assalamualaikum girls that I love because of Allah swt..
Today is  27 Februari 2014.
I don't remember the exact date, but lebih kurang time cam ni la. last year... if you girls still remember. can u recall?
Syera, Izzah, and Hanis. If u girls remember..
Last year, waktu dekat Pusat Permata Pintar Negara, me and Hanis were doing our own things in our room. homework, assignment ke apa. tiba-tiba syera and izzah ajak datang bilik for a "so called meeting". whats that about kan?

Bila dah sampai bilik korang, korang ajak duduk. "why so serious??"  Eheheh. I'm like. apa hal ni???
Ada plan.... resolution katanya.........

So izzah and syera pulled out a drawer filled with tudung bawal bidang 45. neatly folded. all of their tudung bawal. the tudung we bought together at Kolej Za'ba. The tudung we bought together at Jalan TAR, Tudung kangaroo, tudung 2 and 3 tone.  all.

Then izzah closed the door and showed us tudung that are neatly hunged on a hanger at the back of the door. Different tudung. tudung I haven't seem them wear. tudung I don't even own. Tudung bidang 50 and 60.

izzah and syera asked me and hanis to join their resolution. Which is, to keep our tudung 45' folded and somewhere else. take out only tudung bidang 50 and 60 (pada masa tu, i only have 1 tudung bidang 50). shawls pun dibenarkan, tapi kena labuh! start wearing socks full time! Start wearing hand socks when necessary and appropriate.  mula pakai inner neck bila pakai tudung yang jarang. So, we had to stay with our resolution for 40 DAYS! after that 40 days, its up to us whether we want to continue or not. but we have to promise ourselves that we'll stick to this plan for 40 days.

Me and Hanis, after going through usrah and all. we have actually been thinking about it you know. I started to read more Islamic motivational books suggested by my roomate Hanis herself. I started watching Islamic motivational videos by Ustadh Nouman Ali Khan who was recommended by Izzah herself.

memang nak, niat tu memang ada. but I never really had the drive to physically change u know my appearance. and show it to everyone. friends and family. hmm. ye lah takut. what people would think at say about me.

but me and hanis Agreed!

Throughout the whole year, I bought new tudung bidang 50, I bought lots of hands socks, I bought lots of socks. I bought baju muslimah. I bought jubahs. I bought slacks. I bought skirts. I totally changed my wardrobe. I changed my playlist to lots of nasyid songs. hehehehe. (waktu tu kaya sebab dapat duit semasa kerja and duit KPT. LOL.. akibatnya miskin sekarang hehe)

I'm so grateful that I have friends that I can experience and go through this journey together. you know. change. a good change. At least I won't be the odd one out. or appear shockingly different to people. Or feel weird. We went through this change together. At least we felt weird together. At least we still have each other's back. At least we still have each other for motivation. We wanted to become better people. better muslims. Together..

HAPPY ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY TO THE NEW US.

Alhamdulillah. it has been one year. Alhamdulillah, I held on even longer than 40 days. Alhamdulillah I made that change. Alhamdulillah I met you guys. Alhamdulillah you guys asked me to tag along on your hijrahs.

Girls, thank you. Thank  you so much. for teaching me. and for supporting me. and giving me motivations. Ya Allah, I don't know how to express it. Jujur, memang macam roller coaster, going through this journey. macam-macam emotions running here and there. Penah je ada masa rasa macam nak quit and go back to my old self. but you girls pushed me forward.

I don't know what I would be like now if I haven't met you girls. Thank you

I love you girls. because of Allah. Thank you Allah. for overlapping our tracks. at one point we meet. Your great plans, Allah. Alhamdulillah.

Cari lah kawan-kawan yang boleh dekatkan diri kita kepada Allah. Inilah dikatakan ukhuwahfillah abadan abada.
We may be far apart now. We may not talk as often as we used to. but just to let u girls know. I will always remember you

Things do happen for a reason. and put faith in Allah, that it's the best for you.

I love you girls
Assalamualaikum

The journey is still a long way down but insyAllah, together we'll bear.


*oh my. rojak gila bahasa. well yeah that is me. seriously i do talk like this. please don't mind the language*

If you want something. you work hard for it

Bersyukurlah dengan apa yang ada. Just be grateful.

Ayah aku penah cakap. "apa yang ayah boleh bagi ayah bagi. ayah bagi yang apa ayah mampu.  ayah minta maaf lah ayah tak dapat bagi korang setiap satu bilik. ayah minta maaf la ayah tak dapat bagi rumah besar skit. ayah minta maaf lah ayah tak dapat bagi handphone canggih. tapi ni yang ayah mampu. insyaAllah kalau ada rezeki pada masa depan. nanti ayah buatkan rumah besar skit."

Sebak.

Sebab aku selalu sangat merungut pasal aku tak ada bilik sendiri. aku tak ada tempat letak barang keperluan peribadi. Barang aku mesti atas tangga, dalam bakul, atas lantai, dalam kotak. Aku penah ada bilik sendiri. tapi sejak kakak balik, dia dah jadi bilik tu macam bilik dia. walaupun dia ada rumah sewa, tapi barang-barang dia masih banyak kat sini. well dia kakak. and bilik tu memang kecik pun untuk dua orang. so aku back off. lagi pun barang aku tak banyak. and aku duduk kat asrama sejak form 4. dan jarang lah ada kat rumah. tapi waktu ada kat rumah tu lah, waktu cuti lah kan, waktu tu lah aku stress depressed broken down. sebab aku tak tau nak letak barang kat mana. aku tak tau nak tido kat mana. aku tak tau nak lepak kat mana dan aku meruuuuungutttt je sebab aku takde bilik.

Aku pun tak sedar, yang ayah aku ada tambah satu bilik untuk aku. bilik yang used to be a store dah jadi a good condition bilik la. tapi aku merungut jugak. sebab bilik tu  masih dijadikan store, dan tempat letak baju yang dah jemur tunggu lipat je. bilik simpan barang macam2. bilik simpan barang dapur pun ada. tapi ada je katil untuk aku tidur. ada je closet untuk letak baju. tapi aku merungut jugak.

Aku tak sedar, yang ayah nak bagi aku. ayah aku bagi apa yang dia mampu. tapi ini semua tak cukup untuk aku? Astaghfirullahalazim. Tak bersyukurnya aku. Ayah aku dah bagi yang terbaik dan mencukupi tapi aku masih minta lebih? Ayah aku dah bagi aku rumah untuk aku berlindung, ayah aku dah bagi baju untuk aku pakai. ayah aku dah bagi makanan untuk aku hidup. Dan aku masih merungut?

Astaghfirullahalazim

And I call myself muslim. and I expect to enter Jannah ? But being grateful is the last thing I am?

Sebak. Menangis. Baru aku sedar bila ayah aku cakap macam tu.

Bersyukurlah.

Ibu bapa sayang kan kita. Mereka akan bagi yang terbaik untuk kita. Mereka akan bagi apa yang mereka mampu. Just be grateful for what they can give us. Don't ask for more.

Kadang-kadang tu. aku sedih jugak tengok kawankawan guna handphone canggih kan. katanya hadiah dari parents. Pakai baju cecantik. kasut memahal. bag lelawa. aku apa yang ada? handphone android paling murah dan paling kecik. tu pun guna duit gaji sendiri. kasut nike tersayang the one and only branded shoes. tu pun guna duit gaji. Dapat straight A's PMR, dapat stratight A's SPM tapi tak dapat hadiah yang gempak pun macam orang lain. But I am grateful yang ayah aku tak bagi lebih daripada yang dia mampu. sebab dia telah mengajar aku untuk be independent. Not always depending on things. Not be depending on people. and not be materialistic. There's so many things that I've learned through out the process. I'm only 20 but I've helped my mom clean a hotel as a maid, helped my parents pick up cans and tins to recycle, babysit my little brother and sister, worked as a customer service in MPH, become a substitue 3rd grade English teacher, become a tutor in Kumon tuition center, helped out at a baby daycare. Basically I grew up in an environment where if you want something. You go work hard for it. and so yeah I did.

macam mana kita nak senang kalau kita tak tau apa itu susah?

Bersyukurlah dengan apa yang kita ada. apa yang telah diberi oleh ibubapa. dengan paras rupa yang telah dicipta oleh Allah swt. Bersyukurlah.

No more merungut from me.

All I want from my parents is their du'a. To pray for me to become a successful person. in dunya and akhirah. To pray for me that I don't go astray. To pray for my path to become a doctor is at ease. To pray for me to have a good husband.  To pray for me to have a good life and good health.

Ayah penah cakap "Ayah dulu susah. Ayah tau kehidupan susah macam mana. Ayah tak nak lah bagi anak-anak ayah kehidupan macam tu jugak"

Thank you ayah for caring for us. and loving us dearly. All dad will always want to see their children be successful.

Ya Allah, Forgive me and my parents. and love them as they loved me

Post Examination thoughts

Bersungguh-sungguh kan kita study untuk lulus exam? sanggup kita stay up malam-malam sampai lebam mata. bangun awal pagi untuk mengulang kaji. tak nak turun pegi cafe untuk makan. tak nak jumpa kawan-kawan. kita sanggup buat semua tu untuk mencapai keputusan yang cemerlang dalam peperiksaan.. di dunia.. 
tapi adakah kita bersungguh-sungguh untuk dapat keputusan cemerlang pada hari akhirat? adakah kita bersusah-payah untuk lulus ujian Allah? peperiksaan hujung sem pun baru lepas. so aku terfikir. hmm "I do too little tarbiyah, and too little dakwah, and yet I expect to enter Jannah?" Ayat cover blog Angel Pakai Gucci. ouch ouch ouch ouch.

Hinanya hambuMu ini. aku buat. kau buat. kita buat. But its never late to change. Its never too late to repent. Jangan putus asa mencari Rahmat Allah. Sebab Allah swt yang kata

"Wahai hamba-hambaKu yang telah melampaui batas terhadap diri mereka sendiri (dengan perbuatan-perbuatan maksiat), janganlah kamu berputus asa dari rahmat Allah, kerana sesungguhnya Allah mengampunkan segala dosa sesungguhnya Dialah jua Yang Maha Pengampun, lagi Maha Mengasihani."

(surah az-zumah : 53)